Hurting Each Other is What We do Best
by beezyboo
Summary: They've had a long routine of lies and leaving. But now it's Rory's mom's & Jess' uncles wedding...Will their bitter relationship end there? Or is it the  beginning of a new one? better then it sounds.!
1. Chapter 1: And she returns!

Chapter 1:

"Oh My God," she heard a gasp the moment she walked into the diner; quickly followed by her mother holding her tight against her body.

"Mom," Rory responded with a huge smile on her face. She missed this town, the memories, this diner, Luke, Lane, but more importantly her mom; her best friend, an older version of herself.

"Offspring," Lorelei whispered into her daughter's hair. She was quickly cut off from the embrace by a crashing sound. They both looked towards the kitchen where Luke -Lorelei's fiancé and the man who practically raised Rory as his own- dropped a coffee pot.

"Rory?" He asked as surprised as Lorelei had been to see her.

She smiled and gestured with her hands, "the one and only." Luke smiled and Lorelei kept a hand on her daughters back, rubbing affectionately. He quickly walked over and wrapped his arms around his soon-to-be step daughter. "I'm glad your back, I'm not sure I could keep myself sane if I spent one more alone moment with your mother," he said in her ear as he held Rory close. She laughed, living with her mother for over 18 years meant that she understood what he was talking about. "I've missed you," she said smiling at him once they pulled apart. Hugging started out awkward for them but after knowing him for the majority of her life, it became natural.

"Stop hogging my daughter," Lorelei said and glared at him slightly but couldn't seem to hold back the smile that was tugging at her lips.

"I thought you wouldn't be here for another week."

"Yeah but since Obama has already won, I thought I'd come home to the small-minded people of Stars Hallow." She said but was smiling nonetheless.

"Oh, don't you dare belittle us now that you all high and mighty," her mother said.

"All hail, Rory." Her mother mocked, waving her hands up and down to prove her point. Rory rolled her eyes at her mother and took a moment to look around. Even after a year of being gone; nothing seemed to change. Stars Hallow seemed exactly the same from when she left. She was just waiting for the mob to hurry through the doors and welcome her.

"I've missed it here," she said.

"Good. Because the town realized once you were gone that we didn't hate you as much as we all thought and you actually…..grew on us. And we are determined to never let you leave again."

"You need therapy- the town loves me. I'm town princess, remember?" Rory asked, doing a little twirl. Lorelei chuckled. "Oh, trust me, I did _not_ forget."

Luke watched their encounter and felt a strong urge of déjà-vu and comfort. His Gilmore girls were once again reunited in his diner. He had missed this, he missed Rory, and he missed _them- together, united. _

"I'll leave you alone for a while," he said, knowing they had a lot of catching up to do. He smiled at both of them as he walked towards the kitchen.

"Bye Luke!" Rory called out as her and her mother stood in the middle of the empty diner, it was Sunday morning and majority of the town was at church.

"Okay, so I don't want you to be ambushed just yet so let's stay at the apartment?" Lorelei asked, referring to Luke's old apartment above the diner that was now used mainly for storage because he was living at her house.

"Okay," Lorelei said enthusiastically. "Tell me everything." Rory sighed but smiled anyway. "Well it all started with….." Rory said telling stories from her very first day up until the last one. Lorelei didn't particularly care how long this would take, she was just glad to have Rory home. She wanted to know and hear everything since the moment she dropped Rory off at the bus station the same time last year.

She dozed off for a moment while Rory was talking about how horrible the coffee had been and took moments too look at her daughter. She smiled.

"What?" Rory asked, self consciously touching her hair to make sure it was in place.

"Nothing," her mom replied but continued to smile. "Just missed you is all."

Rory smiled back. "Me too, Mom; you have no idea," she gushed. Lorelei almost forgot that a Yale graduate and grown woman was standing in front of her, but instead she saw an innocent seventeen year old ready to see the world and craved adventure. She then instantly remembered that this was not the case. The girl in front of her was no longer a girl, but instead a woman of 24 that had seen the majority of the United States and Europe. She smiled nonetheless. Rory never changed that much anyway. She might as well be seventeen because no matter what; Rory would always be her little girl, her other half, her best friend.

…..

"I still can't believe you're getting married in a month!" Rory said excitedly, still in Luke's old apartment. She mentally thanked Luke for taking out all the old furniture because if he hadn't, unwanted memories were more than likely to come up; memories that involved Luke's nephew, Jess.

"I know, isn't it in incredible?"

"Yes! But you know, it's taking you quite a long time for this to actually happen." Lorelei shoved her lightly.

"Trust me, I know. I've been waiting to marry Luke….well, I'm not exactly sure but it's been an awfully long time." Rory smiled. Despite the fact that as a child she always secretly wished to be in a normal family with her mother and her father, Chris; she had more strongly wished that both Luke and her mother would realize they're love for each other and become a family.

"Since the first day you met him," Rory said, her eyes shining as if she was 8 again and watching Luke and Lorelei's introduction.

"I wouldn't push it that far. Although, I do recall thinking of marriage when he gave me his coffee that I cannot live without and then even more once he stopped charging me for it."

"You know, Mom, I find it incredible that you never realized that the grumpiest and biggest cheapskate in Stars Hallow had feelings for you when he started giving you things for free." Lorelei shrugged.

"What can I say? I'm the queen of de-Nile." She responded cheekily. "Get it?" she nudged Rory. "The queen of denial?" Rory rolled her eyes at yet another one of her mother's lame jokes.

"I got it the first time."

"Well, how was I supposed to know that? You didn't laugh and I don't read minds." She said.

"I can't wait till Lane gets here!" Rory exclaimed ignoring her mother's last comment.

"She'll be here anytime; if she plans to keep her job and raise her sons, then she will." Rory still didn't feel like dealing with the townspeople of Stars Hallow quite yet. Thus, Luke was going to send Lane up once her shift started.

"Her sons, wow, that's still so weird to say."

"Oh my gosh, you haven't seen them in a year! I almost forgot."

"Yeah, I've tried talking to them through the phone a few times. And I have a lot of photos but nope, I haven't seen my nephews in over a year." She smiled with pride to say the word nephews. It made her sound sophisticated and grown up, she liked it.

"There big," Lorelei said grinning. "They look like Zach….and act like him too."

"Poor Lane," Rory sighed. She honestly loved Zach but he was just an overgrown five year old.

"Yes, poor Lane, but despite getting characteristics from Zach, they're adorable."

"So better than our relatives children?" Rory said referring to Christmas cards from many moons ago.

"Much, much better," Lorelei assured her.

"Good to know." A smile tugging at her lips, she was there aunt, their _Lorelei._

"Okay, Luke, I'm going!" Rory heard a familiar voice as the treaded up the stairs. She stood by the door so that she could scare her best friend. The door slowly opened as Lane was grumbling, "Why did he need me to come up here? I think he needs to have is head reexamined- Ah!" Lane ended her tan drum with a yelp. "You're here!" exclaimed Lane; pulling her best friend into a tight hug.

"Yes!" Rory said equally enthusiastic.

"I'll let you too bond," Lorelei said as she went downstairs to her fiancé.

Luke smiled as he heard Lane scream. Stars Hallow was finally whole again.

….

"So you already went and saw Kwan and Steve?" Lorelei asked Rory, hours later. The town had already found out that she was here.

"Yes." Rory said smiling.

"And?" Lorelei pushed for details.

"You were right, they're little Zach's."

"Unfortunate, huh?" Lorelei said jokingly. She had also grown to have a soft spot for Zach, it had just taken awhile.

"Very," she agreed teasingly. They reached the diner where they found Babette and Moray.

"Rory, sweetheart, we heard you were back!" Babette she said in a heavy accent and running straight towards her. The short woman hugged her tightly.

"I am," Rory managed to squeeze in.

"I can't believe you waited until now to see us!" Rory almost pointed out that they had come to see her and not the other way around but she bit her tongue.

"I was just so tired," Rory lied.

"Oh, I understand sweetheart. Moray, it's Rory. Say hi to Rory," Moray put up a hand and mumbled a 'hey Rory.' She smiled at him.

"Well we better be on our way, I just wanted to drop bye and say hi to you. Well bye, doll. Don't be stranger, mi casa es tu casa." Rory smiled and realized how much she had honestly missed Babette's high spirits.

"I won't," Rory said and waved and then made her way to the counter to sit next to her mother.

"When are you coming?" Luke said into the phone smiling both at Rory and Lorelei who were sitting at the counter and most likely listening to his phone conversation.

"No, you have to come sooner! You said you'd be here sooner!" He said loudly into the phone which caused Rory and Lorelei to give each other interested looks.

"Who do you think he's talking to?" Lorelei asked her daughter with her eyebrows raised.

"I don't know," Rory honestly said although her mind was whispering _Jess_, that's the only person he talks to like that. But she didn't dwell on it. She couldn't dwell on it without going temporarily insane.

"10 bucks says it's Liz," Lorelei predicted.

"You're on," Rory smiled competitively.

"No, the town won't banish you! No stop coming up with excuses for coming and get your butt down here by next week." With each word that was exchanged the likelier the possibility that it was Jess and not his mother. Luke listened as the person on the other line talked for a second.

"Because we're going to have rehearsals and I need more support." It was Jess, there was no doubt in Rory's mind that it was. Yet she still hoped that it wasn't. She knew she'd have to see him; he was Luke's nephew after all. She had just planned it being in a month- a whole month so she could get ready to see him- to have to able to talk to him, let alone see him.

"I _need _you to be here. You hear me? I asked you two weeks ago if you'd come this week and you told me yes. You promised you'd come." Rory was amazed at how desperate Luke sounded for a moment. Realization seemed to dawn on his face and he spoke into the phone.

"This has nothing to do with our earlier conversation does it?" He asked, quieter then before but still loud enough for Rory and her mother to hear.

"Good. Then you have no reason not to come. I plan to see you Sunday, okay?"

"Bye," he finally said and slammed into the holder and mumbled something about how unreliable family is.

"Who was that?" Lorelei asked not even trying to hide her nosiness.

"Just…um," he looked at Rory for a split second through the corner of his eyes.

"My best man," he finished. Rory hadn't known that Jess was going to be Luke's best man but she knew it was Jess he was talking about,

"You can say his name, Luke." Rory said even though she wasn't completely sure that she could handle hearing it. She had to get used to it though.

"Jess," he sighed and Rory trying to cover up all emotions that came up with that name, turned to her mother and said "Ha! You owe me 10 bucks." Lorelei groaned and opened her purse looking for a 10 dollar bill.

Rory turned her attention back to Luke. "So he's coming Sunday?" Rory asked trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. But contraire to her outside appearance inside a whole mass of emotion were going on. Just by that name- _Jess_- her whole body lit up like a firecracker. Anger, excitement, disappointment, confusion, brokenness, sorrow, depression, happiness were roaming her body just like it did when anyone brought up his name when she was 17.

"How long is he staying?" She felt like she could win a Grammys with the act she was pulling.

"He'll be here on and off for the next month."

"Where is he staying?" Questions were bubbling up inside her. She hadn't talked to Jess in over a year and she needed to get as much information out of his uncle as possible.

"Well, since the apartment no longer has any beds in it I was thinking the couch at the house but…if you're not okay with that he can stay at the inn."

"Of course she's okay with that," Lorelei put in, handing Rory 10 bucks that she just found.

"Oh, I just wasn't sure because Jess hasn't really mentioned anything since Philadelphia and I wasn't sure if you two had gotten in a fight."_ No, no fight just me being an incredibly rude jerk and breaking the heart of the boy that broke mine, _Rory thought.

"What?" Lorelei said turning to look at Rory. Oh, right, I didn't tell her, Rory thought.

"When did you go to Philly?" Rory's mothers face was clear with shock.

"Around the same time Luke did for Jess' open house."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Why didn't she tell her mother?

"I thought I did," Rory lied because she couldn't come up with a response that would make sense to her mother. She had reasons though, plenty of them; _I wanted to see what his life was like. I wanted to know where he was living. I wanted to see him grown up and responsible. I wanted him to know how proud I was of him. _She also didn't want to talk to her mother about what happened. She didn't want to talk about how she broke the heart of one of the few people who have known her for a long time and still believed in her. She didn't think she could talk about it without having a meltdown.

"Did something happen? Is that why you didn't tell me?" Luke was looking at Rory very intently also waiting for her response. He had wondered for quite awhile if something had happened between them in Philly and that was why Jess was avoiding anything that had to do with her. He suspected that something had, Jess and Rory never exactly knew how to control themselves in one another's presences; it's like they forgot that there was a world beyond the two of them.

Rory quickly glanced at Luke and Lorelei got the message. She picked up her bag and kissed Luke's cheek. "We're going home. I'll talk to you later." This was code that she knew Luke was dying to know and she would fill him in tonight. Lorelei grabbed Rory by the arm and practically forced her out of the diner. Jess was a sore subject between them but Lorelei would be damned if she wasn't completely filled in to anything related to the two of them. As much as Lorelei hated to admit and would deny anyone that said it, she knew they were meant to be together. She knew that Rory honestly believed that she had loved Dean and Logan but Lorelei knew that the only person her daughter had ever _really _loved was Stars Hollow's rebel. She had yet to see the new and improved Jess. But she clearly remembered the smart, sarcastic, quiet boy who was a lot like herself as a teenager- independent and didn't respect authority. She didn't like him the moment she met him. She knew he'd hurt the two people closest two her, Rory and Luke. But the more she got to know him the more she realized he was misunderstood and angry at the world and frankly the boy version of her, growing up. She grew to respect him- nowhere near the way that both Rory and Luke adored him- but they had a mutual understanding that she wouldn't interfere with his relationship with Rory as long as he didn't hurt her. And he did. He proved her right and she had hated him for it probably more than Rory had. He left without as much as a letter. Luke had been miserable, wondering if his only nephew was okay but she knew a small portion of him was relieved. Rory was miserable. Even though, her daughter wouldn't even admit it to her; she knew it was true. She sulked and mourned silently, doing everything she could possibly do to avoid thinking of him. It wasn't hard either, she was finishing up finals and then she was off to Europe. But Lorelei knew that he haunted her. She knew when Rory dreamt about him because she would dream with a smile on her face and then wakeup crying. And unlike Rory's other boyfriends, she didn't make a box of his things after they broke up. She couldn't because everything she owned gave her some reminder of him- all of her movies they had trashed together, all of her music they had had debates about and half of her books had his neat precise handwriting in them and the other half he had read. She couldn't part with everything but Lorelei saw how Rory would avoid certain book. She wouldn't read anything that he had written in or as much as look at them. When she had needed one for a book report, she would borrow one from the library and when Lorelei would point out that she owned it, Rory would deny it. All the books that Rory had treasured were dusty on her shelf. Untouched and unread; A bit like her feeling for Jess, Lorelei thought bitterly. He sure knew how to get under peoples skin didn't he?

"Talk," Lorelei said not respecting the fact that her daughter obviously didn't want to discuss it.

"Mom," she said.

"Do not, mom me. You went to see Jess over a year ago and you didn't even bother telling me."

"Fine," Rory said and took a deep breath. Jess. It was hard enough to think about him, she wasn't sure if she could handle talking about him.

"I was jerk. A huge, gigantic jerk and I never even apologized. I wouldn't blame him if he hated me."

Lorelei knew that even if her daughter wanted to think he hated her. He didn't. Lorelei knew him well enough to know that he could _never_ hate Rory the way that he probably should.

"I doubt you were that big of a jerk. But I honestly can't tell you, considering I don't know what happened!"

Rory took a moment to gather her thoughts before telling the story. It was long and painful for her to retell but she managed, for her mother's sanity. Even though, she wasn't quite sure that her mother still had her sanity.

At the end she summarized it, sadly. "I went there to see him but he thought I was going there to get back at Logan and I never bothered to correct him. He kissed me, mom. And I broke his heart." Jess' heart had already been long gone since she refused to go with him that fairytale winter day years ago. But Rory didn't need to know that.

"Oh, honey," Lorelei said with sympathy in her voice even though she was anything but proud about how her daughter had acted.

"He hates me, he has to." She said.

"No, he doesn't."

"Yes. He does and I don't want him to, mom."

"I know you don't."

"He means so much to me. Even though, I haven't seen him in a while and we don't have the best track record he's still a huge part of my world."

Lorelei knew this but she was glad that Rory was finally admitting it to herself.

"I wanted him to know how proud of him I was and I blew it." Tears started to gather in her eyes. It had been so long since she cried over her bitter ex.

"You did," Lorelei admitted. She would sympathize with her daughter but she wasn't going to defend her this time.

"What should I do?" Rory asked, wiping the tears that had spilled over.

"I'm not sure," Lorelei said honestly. Rory laid her head against the couch. Just great, the only person she thought could help her and she couldn't even seem to fix the web that Rory had gotten herself tangled in.

They sat for a moment in silence, which wasn't very common in the Gilmore house hold.

"Just make sure it doesn't interfere with my wedding," Lorelei joked.

"Wouldn't dream of it," Rory said smiling. Rory then sat still for a moment longer, pondering in her thoughts.

"Just talk to him," Lorelei said. That was the only advice she seemed to come up with. She was pretty positive that it would make things easier. Rory didn't hold grudges very well and Jess never seemed to either when it involved Rory.

"Did Logan ever know?" Lorelei asked curiously. Something about the story had been bugging her.

"No," Rory shook her head.

Lorelei paused not sure if she should ask what she wanted to know. She did though. "Did Jess, by any chance have anything to do with you declining the marriage proposal?" Rory looked startled. She hadn't even though about it. She knew the truth though.

"I think," she stuttered with the word. "I think he did." She admitted quietly. Lorelei had already known the answer before she had asked the question and she seemed satisfied when her daughter gave her the same answer she'd been expecting. "That's what I thought." Rory nodded. She put her head on her moms lap and cried. Finally, letting everything that had been stored up in her for the last six years out.


	2. Chapter 2: Confessions

~Hey everyone.! You don't know how much it means for me to just have people reading I wrote. But I would lovvvvvvvve, loooooove if you would send me reviews. Reviews are what we writers feed off of. It is also what is going to inspire me to write more of this story. Review and I'll love you forever and if that doesn't matter to you…then I'll keep writing.! (: Thank you.

Just some weird thirteen year old girl(: ~

Chapter 2: Confessions

Luke's excitement that his nephew was going to be here any moment was obvious to everyone even though he had been trying to hide it since Lorelei told him everything about Rory and Jess. Luke was never a good actor.

"You okay?" Lorelei asked her daughter at the kitchen table the morning that Jess was supposed to show up. Rory nodded unconvincingly. She still had no idea what she was going to say to him.

"You sure?"

"Yeah," Rory said and forced a smile. Lorelei was not convinced. Luke was busy preparing the family room for Jess. It had been awhile since he was last here and Luke was determined to make Jess feel as comfortable as he possibly could.

"I don't think I've seen Luke so jazzed to be near Jess," Lorelei said and laughed.

"Honestly," Rory said, "Considering they fight more than siblings." Lorelei grinned, even though she was, like her daughter, not prepared for the awkwardness she was still happy to see her fiancé so happy. She loved when Luke was happy.

"Luke!" She called, walking not more than five feet from the family room to the kitchen. "When is the hoodlum getting here?" Lorelei said hoodlum as teasingly as possible even though that was what he was in her last memory.

"I'm not sure, sometime today though. I'll call him." He grabbed the phone with a huge smile on his face. His nephew made him proud, and it was about time. Somebody besides Rory needed to make Luke proud, that was the least of what he deserved.

"Jess, when are you getting here?" Lorelei smiled when she heard Jess' sarcastic remark "hello to you too, Uncle Luke."

Luke rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Now answer the question." Lorelei could now only hear muffled responses.

"Okay. Good." Luke said his goodbye before hanging up. "He just got into Hartford so he'll be here in less than a half an hour." Rory cringed when she heard. She wasn't ready.

"Okay," Lorelei said.

…

Luke sprang to the door when it rang. "It's him."

"I gathered," Lorelei said sarcastically, muffling laughter. He had been ready to pounce each time he heard a car drive by for the last 30 minutes. Rory looked nervous and anxious each time she heard a car.

Rory looked as if she was holding her breath. "I'm going to my room."

"You're not going to greet him?" Luke asked incredulously. It seemed to baffle him that not everyone else was as happy as his nephew's arrival as him. He seemed to remember and then nodded. "Okay." She smiled at him graciously. She shut her door as she heard her mom and soon-to-be father greet the best man.

Luke pulled his nephew into a hug. "I'm glad you're here," he told him. Jess smiled back. "Glad to be here." Lorelei watched their exchange and couldn't believe her eyes. _He has changed_. She didn't doubt when Rory and Luke told her stories of his new, responsible persona but it was one thing to hear and a totally different thing to witness it. He was the same height. He had the same muscular build from when he was a teenager. The same hair, same eyes, same face yet somehow he looked completely different. He looked like an adult, no longer a stereotypical 'angry at the world' teenager. He didn't smirk when Luke hugged him but actually smiled. She didn't even realize that he was capable of smiling.

"Hi Lorelei," he said in his deep voice-which hadn't changed either.

"Hi Jess," she reached in and hugged him also. It was the first time she had ever hugged him and was amazed when he let her. The old Jess would have pushed away, although she would have never hugged the old Jess.

"Congrats," he said to both of them. He had a backpack strap on one shoulder.

"Thanks," they both said in union as they moved apart so that he could come in.

"You can sleep on the couch," Luke said gesturing to it. "I hope you don't mind because if you do, I'm sure Rory will let you sleep in her room and she can sleep on the couch."

"It's fine," He said immediately. There was no way he was going to sleep on Rory's room. It was like setting himself up for a mental break down.

"Okay great," Lorelei said. "So are you hungry?"She asked as he set down his stuff on the couch.

"I'm not sure, it depends, are you the one that's going to feed me?" He said sarcastically yet affectionately. Lorelei rolled his eyes and Luke laughed. "Course not, Lukey will feed you."

"No, it's fine. I'll make something in a bit." The air was tense for a tiny bit. Complete silence filled the air. It had been a long time since all three of them had been in a room together. And even back then they couldn't seem to be in the same room without a screaming match.

"So how was your trip?" Luke asked.

"Fine," great, monotone Jess was all they needed. Again, silence.

"So um," Jess said, somewhat nervously. If it had been hard for Rory to talk about him, it was 10 times harder for him to even mention her name. "Where's Rory?"

"Oh, um," both Luke and Lorelei said. "She actually was reading in her room and fell asleep," Lorelei lied. Jess didn't believe it for a second but didn't call her out on it either. If she was avoiding him, fine. He wasn't exactly happy that he had to see her either after what happened. She couldn't avoid him for long anyway.

"Oh ok," he nodded. Lorelei didn't know what to do. "Um, well, you and Luke must have a lot of catching up to do. I'll leave you two alone." She said just like Luke had when Rory came. Luke seemed grateful though. Both of them smiled at her as she walked into Rory's room.

"He's here," Lorelei said.

"Duh."

"He's different."

"I told you that," Rory said. She wanted to see him. She just didn't know if she could handle it.

"I know, but he's just so different. I didn't even realize it."

"Better or worse?"

"Neither, I mean, he's just grown up." Lorelei hoped Rory understood what she meant. Rory knew exactly what she meant.

"He is, isn't he?" She was so happy that someone beside herself realized it. Because even Luke still saw him as his teenage nephew.

Lorelei nodded. "He is."

….

Luke and Lorelei were talking, Jess nowhere to be found. Rory finally building up courage and leaving her room.

She found Luke and Lorelei in the kitchen. "What are you guys doing?" She asked, looking around for any sign of Jess.

"Nothing really," Luke said.

"Oh," Rory said, feigning comfort. "Cool."

"Mhmm," Lorelei mumbled, watching as her daughter tried to act nonchalant when they all knew she wasn't.

"He's not here," Luke finally said.

"Oh ok," she said as if it didn't bother her in the least bit.

"So, um," she leaned against the fridge. "You wouldn't by any chance know where he went?"

"Didn't say," Lorelei responded; both her and Luke trying to keep from laughing at Rory.

"Oh ok, well," she nodded. "Okay." She walked towards the door, putting on a coat. "I'm um, just going to, um, go the bookstore."

"Okay," they both said watching her as she left. They cracked up when she was out of the house.

"She's a terrible liar," Luke said.

"She so did not get that from me."

"Trying to act all calm and collected, who does she think we are?" Lorelei shook her head. Both of them laughing, "Those two are ridiculous." Lorelei said.

"Tell me about it." Luke said. "When do you think they'll finally admit that there still in love with each other?" That took Lorelei off guard, for him to say something so casual as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Maybe it is, she mused. She just didn't think of it but it did make sense.

"What makes you say that?"

"I can tell with, Jess. And Rory? Come on. She can't hide anything." Luke was absolutely right; Lorelei just hadn't seen it until now. Huh, she thought stealing the infamous word from Jess, in love. Luke thought it shouldn't have been such a surprise for her. He's known it for years. He also knew that was why Rory had turned down Logan. Lorelei didn't seem to notice any of the things going through Luke's head. She was still trying out the new words. _Jess and Rory, Rory and Jess in love. Huh. This, she needed to get used to. _

…

He heard someone coming down the bridge, the creaking making it obvious. He also knew that it was Rory. It had to be. She was the only one, besides, him that would come here. He didn't bother looking up from his book. She was going to have to make the first move this time. She was the jerk; she was the one that was avoiding him. It had to be her this time.

Rory sat quietly next to him and let her feet dangle there for a moment.

"Hi," she said softly. He tucked the corner of the book down and put it aside, looking at her for the first time in over a year. Her blue eyes were bright, staring at him. He didn't smile, though he wanted to. Even though, it had been a year and he barely even knew her anymore it felt like no time had passed and they still knew each other better than anyone else.

As his brownish green eyes looked her she felt bare. Like he knew her darkest deepest thoughts; like all her mistakes were written across her forehead. But then again, he always seemed look at her like that; like he knew everything about her. And if she was being honest with herself, he always seemed to. In everyone else's presence she acted perfect. She didn't have to be when she was with him though. He accepted everything about her, not only her perfection but also her mistakes and her regrets. She could tell him absolutely anything and he would understand. He always had.

"I'm sorry," she finally whispered. She looked down at the river. She couldn't meet his eyes. She wouldn't be vulnerable. Because as she sat there, she realized she wasn't the only one that needed to apologize.

"I know," he sighed. He knew it all along. Rory couldn't be mean to anyone and if she was it would eat her up inside. He knew that she had to have felt guilty about what happened.

They were silent. Silence never seemed to bother them. They didn't need to talk to feel comfortable in each other's presences. They always felt comfortable, one way or another. Actually, most of their time spent on the bridge was filled up with silence; silence as they read, lying next to each other. Silence as they kissed. Silence as they extended their hearts to each other. This was nothing out of the ordinary.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," she said. He wanted to snidely say that she hadn't hurt him at all, that she never had. But he'd be lying and he couldn't seem to find it in him to lie.

"I know," he responded instead. He knew that also. She would never mean to hurt him. She never had. They were just experts at hurting one another, whether it being purposely or by accident it always seemed to happen one way or another.

"I also didn't go there to get back at Logan," she said this so quietly that Jess wasn't sure that she had spoken at all. He looked at her and knew instantly that she had said it. His heart leapt against his will. He laughed bitterly at himself for sounding so sappy and romantic. He would not be that guy _again or ever. _

He wanted to say I know, but he didn't know. So he stayed silent willing her to explain.

"I went there because I wanted you to know how proud I am of you and what you've done."

"You are?" he asked uncertainly.

"You have no idea," she laughed shakily.

He stayed silent and she continued. "You gave yourself a better life. You did something I always knew you could but never thought you'd actually do it. And there you were, Jess, proving everyone wrong. You had done it. And I was so proud of you." She had so much more to say she just didn't know how to explain it all right now. "Did you know I read your book 20 times?"

By the look of amazement on his face, he hadn't known. She also didn't let him respond. She needed to say the rest.

"You scare me." She admitted for the first time out loud. "You scare me so much, it's ridiculous. When you kissed me at the open house, I realized just how much you scare me. Jess, I'm not sure how much you know about what I was like after you left. If anyone ever told you." He shook his head. No ever did. "I was like a ghost. I ate, I slept, I talked but I wasn't all there. It was like I was being haunted. You were in my thoughts all the time even though I tried so hard to push you out. I didn't date, let alone barely even talk to any guys for two years. I was pale, and skinny and Luke and my mom were so worried about me. I didn't look at any of my books, watch any of the movies that we had watched or listened to any of the bands that you liked. I was a living, breathing ghost. And when you kissed me, I remembered. I remembered the hurt and the loneliness. I remembered what it felt like to wonder if you'd ever show up again. I wondered if you actually meant those entire things you said in my dorm 4 years ago. I remembered so many things. I couldn't take it, Jess. I couldn't be hurt like that again. I wasn't sure if I could take it. I was already in a fragile place and I knew that it would only get worse if you came back into my life. So I hurt you, like you had hurt me so many times before. I wanted to be heartbreaker this time instead of the one that gets left with nothing but a broken heart." Rory's heart pounded in her chest as she waited for him to respond.

He cleared his throat. It sounded stupid but the only thing he could manage to say was "I'm sorry." His old self never would have apologized. Rory wouldn't have been surprised if he had told her that he never once had apologized in his entire life. But Jess had gotten used to apologizing. In the last 4 years, he's had a lot to apologize for.

Neither of them said anything. Finally he said the one other thing he could think of. "I meant it. All of it," he said it quietly and hoarsely. He didn't elaborate but he didn't need to, Rory knew exactly what he was talking about. He had meant everything he said the day that he had asked her to runaway with him. She breathed, relieved, and happiness' clouding over all rational thoughts. He had meant it. Then worry grew. Did he still mean it? She shook her head. He can't possibly. It's been years, too many complications. Too much past, for them to ever move on.

Once again, silence hung in the frosty air of Stars Hollow. Neither of them talked for who knows how long but eventually Jess cleared his voice.

She confessed; so would he, "The five days to get to California was the second worst moment in my whole life." She was surprised to hear this but should no evidence of it so he continued. "It was terrible; I don't think I had ever wanted to cry so much in my life." Jess crying, Rory tried to picture it in her head but she couldn't come up with anything. Jess, to her, had always been fearless and she couldn't seem to grasp that maybe he wasn't.

"Do you know what it is to feel like you disappointed the only people that ever believed in you?" He asked softly. She did know, just last year she had dropped out of Yale and stolen a yacht. But she didn't speak; she wanted him to continue, so she bit her lip and nodded. Yes, she knew the feeling very well.

Jess seemed a bit surprised by this but he shouldn't have been. They weren't close like they were when they were teenagers. He would have known everything about it. If they had been close then he would have been there to tell her that she was acting insane and it wasn't her. But he wasn't, he didn't know any details about what happened besides the obvious. "Well," he paused, and breathed out. You could see his breathe in the air, it was that cold. "Then you probably know that it's the worst feeling in the world." She spontaneously grabbed his hand to comfort him. She just had to do it because she could tell that it still bothered him. He seemed alarmed but he didn't look at her face but continued staring icily at the lake.

"I meant to talk to you, you know, the day of your graduation. I had planned something out. My plan wasn't just to sit there like an idiot as you told me your feelings. I was going to apologize. I was going to tell you that I was terrible boyfriend and that you had always deserved better. I had so many things to apologize for but the moment you spoke, I seemed to forget all of them." Silence followed and Rory finally spoke.

"You weren't a terrible boyfriend," she admitted weakly as she rubbed his hands that were freezing.

"I was." He said simply and she couldn't find it in her to argue with him. He seemed so set on it and she just couldn't. But she believed with every fiber of her being that he had been a good boyfriend even if everyone else though differently.

She continued to rub his hand as he continued to stare. He didn't want to think that Rory, _his _Rory, was holding his hand and close enough to kiss. He couldn't think to long about it without going crazy.

"What was your first?" Rory finally asked, she was curious.

"What?" he asked not understanding.

"You said that the trip to California was the second worst moment of your life; what was the first?" She held her breathe. If it had to do with another girl, she'd be heartbroken. If it had to do with his troubled childhood, she would be devastated. She could never quite grasp that he had come from a bad family. She would be heartbroken if she knew the truth; that he grew up where drugs and abuse were both normal and consistent. There was no way Rory could ever handle that.

But most importantly, if it had to do with Rory; if she did something to make top worst moment for Jess, she would never, ever forgive herself.

She waited and he couldn't seem to find the strength to say anything. She decided that maybe it would be better, safer, if she didn't know but at the same time jess decided to speak.

"The night you said you didn't want to be with me," he said so quietly that she was amazed she could even hear it. She hated herself more than ever at that moment. She broke the unbreakable and she _despised_ herself. She hated herself that moment but she felt the needed to at least be there for Jess. So she hugged him from the back. She needed to. She needed to do something. But maybe, she thought bitterly, maybe she's done enough.

"I had talked to Luke and he had told me that for once I need to open my mouth and say what I really feel. And God only knows why, but I chose that moment to listen to Luke's advice that I have been ignoring for years." She felt like she should say something but everything she came up with in her head sounded so cliché and laughable. And she could not handle being ridiculed right now.

"So I went to Yale and just so you know, what had happened was not my plan. I had gone there to show you that I grew up to give you a chance to see the new me. I thought maybe you could forgive and a part me of wished that you still loved me. But when I saw Dean there, I don't know. But I lost it and beat myself up about it for days after that. I said whatever came to mind. And you kept shooting me down, and I would come up with crazier propositions and you didn't even get a chance to see that I had grown up. That I was trying to pay Luke back both money wise and emotionally, that I walked my mom down the aisle. I had so many things I wanted to say to you and both you and I ruined it. I was ruined. I was a complete mess; that time I actually did cry." She hated that he was telling her this. She hated that she sat there and pictured him crying, something that was so crazy that if he had told her that he had never cried before that in his entire life, she would have believed that. It was something unfathomable. But somehow she managed the impossible.

"I stole a yacht," she admitted. She felt like she had to say something horrible to recuperate the other more horrible things she's done. But once she had spoken the words, she realized that didn't make very much sense at all.

"What?" He asked tone disbelievingly. He looked at her this time but she avoided his glances. She didn't deserve for him to even look at her. Jess had no clue why she wouldn't.

"Logan's dad had told me I wasn't good enough to be a journalist. And I kind of lost it, I don't know, I just… I went crazy. So Logan and I stole a yacht. We got arrested and my mom came to pick me up and she was flabbergasted. She couldn't understand why I would steal something. But when I told her what Logan's dad had said, she seemed to forget about the yacht and focused on murder." Another reason, Jess and Lorelei are so alike because to Jess murder was sounding pretty nice right now. Maybe they could plot something together.

"You are too good enough, Rory. That guy is a huge jerk. Do not listen to him," he said but he bit his tongue because he had a lot more things to say about Mr. Huntzeburger.

She didn't listen to him. She didn't deserve compliments. So she confessed another horrible thing she'd done. It felt nice to actually explain things to someone; especially someone who would understand.

"I was Dean's 'other woman'," she said. Jess didn't understand.

"What?" he asked, eyebrows furring. He always looked so cute when he was confused…or always, Rory thought somewhat pathetically.

This was going to be harder to explain. Considering, a large portion of that action had to do with Jess' latest departure.

"I'm not sure if you knew but Dean had gotten married." Jess nodded. He had known that, not that he carried much. Dean and Jess were never what you would call 'close.' And Jess had scars and bruises to prove it.

"And I had taken the whole thing pretty well. I mean, honestly it hadn't bothered me much. I couldn't go to his wedding though, Luke didn't allow me," Jess, laughed a bit. That was so _Luke; _forbidding a girl that had not even been related to him not to do something. 

"But I thought that considering the circumstances, I was holding up pretty well." She hadn't though. She had felt miserable that her ex was in love once again and that the boy that had stolen her heart was long gone and she couldn't even begin to have told you where.

"But the day after you asked me to runaway with you again, I had lost it. Completely and utterly lost it, so I went to Dean and I ruined so many people lives that night. My mom was furious. Luke wanted to kill Dean. Lindsey wanted to kill me. I wanted to kill _you."_

"Me?"

"Yes. My mom realized it that night. She had asked me bluntly if I had done it because I loved Dean or because he loved me. It was the second one. I had felt rejected by you so I went to my easy ex."

"Rejected?" He asked incredulously. "I asked you to runaway with me, Ror! I told you I thought we belonged together!"

She knew this already but it sung coming from him and adding her old nickname just made it worse. "Yeah but I didn't know, Jess. I didn't know if you would have changed your mind on the way back to the car. I didn't know you were going to put your life back together. I didn't know if you'd leave when things got hard again." That was the truth, simple. But at the same time, it wasn't, at all.

"I wouldn't have," he said with a slight edge. And she had a sudden flashback of boy with unruly curly hair and wild brown eyes asking her to do something so crazy. That she almost said yes. Her heart said yes. But her mouth said no.

"I didn't know that, Jess. You've constantly popped up in my life and shown and told me in both words and actions that you know me better than just about anyone. But I never could have said that about you. You never let me know you. I knew your interests, I knew your soft spots but I didn't know _you._"

"You want to know me? You really want to know me?" he asked. She nodded even though she was positive that what he was about to say, she did in fact not want to know.

"My dad left the day I was born. And I'm not sure if you've met my mother but she's a wackjob, I mean ask Luke, she honestly needs to be medicated! As I was growing up she was at least an alcoholic, a drug addict, a hippie, and God only knows what else. The guys she brought home were the same but normally abusive. Liz would never see it though and if she didn't see it, she didn't believe it. I never stayed at the same school for more than six months. My mom wouldn't be able to pay the rent so we would go off to another one of our adventures, as she liked to call it. And don't get me wrong, I love my mom. She was a terrible mother and not a hell of a person, but she loved me. But that was my life. One school to another, one abusive boyfriend to the next some got stronger so got more creative. Constantly, being the new kid? Do you what that's like? To be the kid people pick on; for their mothers to criticize me because of mine. And yeah, I got into trouble. But then my mother- who you would think would have the decency to ask me- ships me off to a town I've never heard of with an uncle that I only see on holidays? It wasn't easy knowing your own mother gave up on you." He paused again and contemplated whether or not to say what he was feeling. He seemed to remember his younger self's 'what the hell' attitude and took as it inspiration.

"You want to know me? Fine, then you need to know I've only loved one girl since I was seventeen."

"And I still love her," he breathed. Looking at anything but her.

"I've never gotten over the boy that broke my heart when I was seventeen. Ever," Rory admitted to both herself and Jess. He glanced at her from under his long dark eyelashes and he could tell she was as nervous as he was.

"Where does that leave us?" He finally asked.

"I think," she paused not quite sure. "That means that we try to be friends and try to get over are issues.' He could do that, he mused.

"We always were great friends," he said.

"That's because we were never just friends," she said. He agreed, never had they been just friends. There were always possibilities and feeling there. They were always way too attracted to each other to be only friends.

"Let's try to be just friends for a while," Rory said.

"Just friends," Jess repeated. He could be okay with that. He would have to be okay with that. He needed her in his life one way or another.

"Yeah," she said and smiled. She hugged him closely. Just friend, they both repeated in their heads. That would have to get some getting used to.

…

Luke and Lorelei both watched them close for the next few days. Lorelei had tried not to laugh when Rory had told her that they were trying to be friends. Luke had questioned Jess. Neither of them fooling Luke or Lorelei. Not so long ago, had Lorelei and Luke been _just friends. _They had seen Jess and Rory together as teenagers and they knew there was no way they would last long.

They had been getting along though. Reading and hanging out. They avoided all physical contact since the bridge incident. Both of them knowing that if they so much as hugged a few more times everything would come crumpling down.


	3. Chapter 3: Huh

~Me again.! Just here to tell you once more that I 3 reviews; it's like Christmas all over again. Even if you want to tell me that I write terribly, please leave a review. Haters try to make me improve. But please take in to consideration that I am only 13 and this is my first fanfiction, so don't be toooo hard on me. Well, please continue reading.! And bare with me, I guarantee it gets better.

-Breezyboo3~

Chapter 3: Friends…why did we decide that?

Two days later, Jess was on his way back to Philadelphia, much to Rory's dismay. And Rory and Lorelei were on Emily and Richard's porch; much to Lorelei's dismay.

"I can't wait to see them! It's been an entire year."

"Yep, just don't mention that you've been here for over a week. Because as much as they love you I can't imagine they'll be too pleased that you've been hanging out with Jess instead of visiting them."

Before Rory gets a chance to reply, her grandmother opens the door with a huge smile on her face, "Rory!" she says before hugging her tightly. Rory hugs her equally as tight, not remembering the last time her grandmother hugged her like this. "Grandma," she said equally enthusiastic.

"I've missed you," Emily said.

"Where's the maid?" Lorelei asked.

"I, um, wanted to, um; see my granddaughter so she's just in the kitchen." Lorelei looked at her strangely. She had never heard her proper mother use um twice in one sentence. Emily bit her lip looking between her daughter and granddaughter.

"Okay, I'm warning you now that we have guests and I couldn't cancel on them because it was planned ages ago. "

"Oh," Rory said not too bothered but then again she rarely was. "Okay, who is it?" Emily but her lip again. After a few minutes of silence, Lorelei spoke up. "Who is it mom?"

"It's, uh…" She paused for a second longer and then sighed. "It's the Huntzebergers."

Rory's breathe caught in her throat and she instantly paled. "All of them?"

Emily nodded and once she did Lorelei breathed in and out, calming herself down, leaving the other Gilmore girl, more rational one also, to come up with a plan. She had nothing.

"Let's get this over with," Rory finally said. As she walked into the house, Lorelei grabbed her arm. "We don't have to do this. We can go home right now if you want to," she looking carefully at Rory. If she sensed that Rory was uncomfortable, they were out of their in a blink of an eye.

"It okay," Rory told both herself and her mother. "We were bound to run into each other eventually." Lorelei let go of her arm and admired her strength.

"Okay, but say the word and were gone." Rory nodded, she wasn't going to need it but she appreciated the offer.

She then walked in with her mother and grandmother trailing behind her. Neither, one of them as comfortable as she was but Rory wasn't comfortable. In the last few years, she'd become an expert at lying to herself.

"Rory!" Her grandfather exclaimed and hugged her tight against his large body. Rory wasn't short but next to her grandfather, everyone was short.

"Grandpa," she said, hugging him as tight as she possibly could. Her grandfather was her everything.

"I want to hear everything," he whispers into his treasured granddaughter's ear. "But," he says and quickly glances at the Huntzbergers. "At another time," Rory nods enthusiastically. She would love to tell her grandfather everything. She turned back to the Huntzbergers feigning nonchalance. Logan had his back to her, making drinks. Logan never did anything for himself, he must be as nervous as she is.

She greeted his parents politely, because Rory was _always_ polite. Her mother greeted them as well, not quite as politely because she's Lorelei.

Logan turned around and smiled. He looked the same, still handsome. She smiled politely back at him. They hadn't talked since she turned him down. He kissed her cheek, probably a second longer than necessary. But Rory didn't seem to notice, Lorelei did.

"I thought you were in California," Rory said to her former boyfriend, fiancé.

"Home for the holidays," he said and she could tell something was up.

"Christmas isn't for three more weeks."

He shrugged, moving his attention from her and greeting Lorelei. Lorelei reciprocated the gesture coldly. If she didn't get along with Jess, then she despised Logan.

He lost the job, Rory thought. He had to, that's the only reason he'd be back with his parents. It didn't surprise her either; Logan spent too much time partying to ever become responsible and keep a job. It had been that way for years and he seemed to never learn.

The sat down and attempted small talk. This part was what Rory hated most about failed relationships. Where you act like you don't know the person you're talking to at all, like you merely strangers. But in Rory and Logan's case it might not be any different from when they were together. He didn't know her well enough. He didn't know her past and he didn't seem to pay much attention to her dreams. She was simply a prize, someone he could present to his friends and coworkers.

But to be fair, he was not the cause of their break up. Sure, he was immature and he would probably never change. But he was a good person, sure he made mistakes but it wasn't like Rory was perfect either. The problem was, she didn't love him enough. _Didn't love him enough as Jess_, a voice in her head would always whisper when she thought about it. She wouldn't admit to anyone, including herself, but Jess was always the common demeanor in the fall of her relationships. She loved Jess when she was with Dean. She loved Jess more than he could handle, when she dated him. Jess saved her and protected her when she was with Logan. Everything, in her relationships always seemed to come down to Jess. Her misunderstood, troubled beau who had seemed to pop up at the rarest times when she needed someone most; it was like fate's way of telling her 'you two idiots are meant to be together, stop messing it up.' She cast away the thought though. There were experts and breaking one another's hearts and it was hard to believe that it would ever change.

She continued the pointless conversations with Logan and his family that had never liked her. Rory is the girl that mothers pray for the sons to find, but for Mitchum and his trophy wife, she never seemed to be good enough.

Unexpectedly, Logan put a hand on her knee. She wanted to move it. It didn't belong there, it felt weird and it took all her strength not to squirm.

"I'm not going anywhere for a few more weeks and I was hoping we could be friends," Logan didn't have 'friends' of the opposite sex. Before Rory, and maybe even while with Rory, he was a player. He got a new girlfriend every other week. Rory was both too sweet and to innocent to realize this.

"Sure," she said. She would never shoot someone down purposely.

"Great," he said and smiled. "Would you like to meet maybe tomorrow?"

She didn't expect it to be so soon. She should have though; Logan was never one for patience. But then again, they never really knew each other, right?

"Sure," she responded once more; taking a sip of the martini that the newest maid had recently handed her.

"Where are you staying?"

"In Star's Hallow," she told him.

"Okay, we can hangout there for awhile, maybe go to what's-his-name's-place, your mothers ex fiancé that you seem to love so much." He always seemed to look down on Star's Hallow, but it didn't matter because she'd rather be there with him instead of somewhere else.

"Luke," she said someone bitterly. She had dated Logan for two years and he couldn't remember the name of the man closest to her? "And their engaged again."

"Really?" he said and took another sip. "Saw that coming."

She hated the way he said it. Everyone saw it coming. But he made it sound like her mother's life was a soap opera that he had lost interest in. She wondered if he had always been like this.

After a moment of silence, Logan spoke again, "So around twelve? Is that okay with you?"

Rory nodded. The rest of the night went as smoothly as an awkward occurrence with the ex and his family could go.

…

"You sure you want to do this?" Her mother asker for the fifth time that morning.

"Yes mom," she sighed. She didn't want to do this, but she had to.

"If you change your mind I can convince Kirk to driving him out of town."

"As funny, as that sounds, no. I have to, okay?" Her mother nodded even though she didn't like it. She understood though.

"Okay, well your meeting him at the diner, right?" Rory nodded again.

"I can't picture him at the diner," Lorelei mumbled to herself. Rory couldn't either; it was like picturing herself playing sports.

She ignored her mother's comment though. She wasn't helping. "Well, I should be going, I have another fifteen minutes and I'm going to walk there, so…"

"So good luck," her mom said putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Thanks," Rory smiled. Her mom left first heading off to work and then Rory soon after.

…..

"Coffee Luke," Rory said when she sat on the stool at the diner.

"Don't have to be a mind reader to tell you that," he said filling up a cup and handing it to her. She smiled at him gratefully.

"What are you up to today?" He asked as Kirk listened in. Luke shot him a glare.

"Um, well, I'm actually going to meet Logan here in a minute?" Luke looked startled for a moment. That was not the answer he was expecting.

"That rich blonde guy that proposed to you?" Kirk asked curiously.

"Um, yeah…" she mumbled.

"Oh," Kirk said simply and then stared at Luke, waiting for him to speak. Luke didn't know what to say though. Hundreds of things were going through his head: They're not back together are they? I mean, I thought something was going on with her and Jess… Great, how am I going to tell Jess that Rory's back with that jerk that was never good enough for her?

Before either of them got to say something, Logan walked in. Luke quickly glanced down. Rory knew that Luke was never exactly fond of Logan. He had blamed him for many of the mistakes Rory had made even though she'd been making her own decision for years. Rory never blamed Logan for her mistakes, she had made the choice and even though he never stopped her, it was never his decision. That never mattered to Luke. To Luke, Rory had always been an angel that does nothing wrong and if she did, someone else was to blame. Before Logan, it had been Dean. He never particularly liked any of her boyfriends except Jess of course. But even then, he thought she deserved better.

"Hey," Rory said weakly. She wasn't sure how this would go.

"Hey," he said and kissed her cheek quickly. She wanted to wipe it off and to scream because he did right in front of Luke! But she thought, innocently, that it was only a friendly gesture. Luke pretended not to notice but how could he not?

Her and Logan settled into an awkward conversation as Luke, quickly went to the back taking the phone with him.

He dialed a familiar number and waited as the person on the other line answered.

"Hello?" asked the person groggily even though it was 12 in the afternoon. The perks of being a writer.

"You aren't by any chance still thinking of coming today?"

"I'm in my car ready to leave, as we speak."

"Have you told Rory?"

"Nah, it's a surprise,"

"I don't think you should come."

"Why?" he asked simply.

"I just think it would be best that you come tomorrow."

"Luke, I'm now in the car on my way. I got today off because of you. You better give me a reason not to come. A good one," he said.

"It's just," he sighed. "Logan's here and I am not sure what going on with him and Rory and I just thought you might not want to come."

"Huh." Typical angry Jess response.

"You're angry."

"Nope, not at all," he lied. He was having trouble keeping his voice from rising.

"Jess…" He sighed. He hated when he nephew was angry.

"I'm just peachy, okay? Were friends, she can date whoever she wants," he hated it but it was the truth. But didn't he have a right to be? Not even a week ago he had confessed he loved her and she told him she had never completely gotten over him. And now she's with her ex? Great, he thought bitterly.

"Jess, don't come if you can't handle it."

"Luke, I'm on my way. And I'm going for _you; _if she wants to be with that jerk, whatever. But that's not going to stop me."

"I'm sorry, Jess." Luke had seen his nephew pine over Rory for years. He knew Jess' feelings better than anyone, probably even better than Jess.

"Whatever; I'll see you in a few hours."

"Bye," Jess hung up without a good bye and Luke sighed once again. Perfect, just perfect, Luke thought sarcastically.

….

Rory and Logan, a few hours later, were seated in the Gazebo.

"Rory…" he said and sighed. They had been avoiding any serious topics since he got here. "You're not dating anyone are you?"

No, but I want to be, her head screamed but her stupid mouth stuttered a no. He leaned closer to her, and they were already sitting pretty close together on the bench.

"Rory…You don't know how much I've missed you in the last year." He said and before she got a chance to say anything his lips were on hers. She responded to the familiarity, it wasn't natural. It wasn't incredible, beautiful, and it didn't feel like it wasn't meant to be like it had always felt with Jess. It was just familiar and comfortable. It didn't make her feel fearless. But do you need to feel that always, a voice asked in her head. Maybe settling for comfortable is better than getting hurt.

She didn't know how long she kissed him for. But when her eyes fluttered open she saw the back of a dark haired boy retreating towards the river.

Logan looked at her waiting for her to say something. She was too busy looking at Jess' back. Before Logan was able to say anything she got up and chased after Jess.

"Jess," she called and when he turned around her heart stopped. He was hurt. But he had covered it up with anger, his face masked perfectly. She had sudden flashbacks of the teenager boy that never let anyone in.

"It wasn't what you think…" She said and she hated it. It was way too cliché.

"Really Rory, because unless you kiss all your ex boyfriends, I'd say I have a pretty good idea."

"Jess…" Rory whispered. She hated when he was hurt. She had thought they were friends again. She needed to be friends with him. She needed to be something with him.

"No, Rory, do not give me that. Don't look at me like a puppy that you just kicked, okay? This 'friendship' thing was a bunch of bull and you know it."

She shook her head. "We are friends!" She argued. She hoped they were friends.

He shook his head as if he was dealing with a child. "We have never been _just_ friends. You may lie to yourself and everyone else but we're not, never have been."

"We were friends first," Before anything else, they had been friends. But there had always been more though. Unexplored or unresolved feelings; they were drawn to one another like magnets.

"Keep telling yourself that," he said, shaking his head once again before walking away. She ran up, completely aware that Logan was not far behind wanting an explanation. She didn't care right now, all she could see was _Jess. _

"Jess, we are friends!" She couldn't think of anything else to say, her thoughts were clouded over with one too many emotions.

He turned around his eyes heavy with determination and sorrow. His eyes flashed with something before he spontaneously pressed his lips to hers.

The kiss was everything she remembered. He still tasted like cigarettes -even though she was sure he had quit- and was as addictive as if she was smoking them herself. She felt her heart beating ten times faster and it didn't even seem to bother her that the whole town was probably watching them.

This is what she has wanted. This is what 'meant to be' felt like, so many things had just gotten in the way. His kisses, him, was what she had needed for as long as she's known him. She had just forgotten it. Forgotten or avoided his memories. His memories were also addicting, but they left you cold and bitter; quite the opposite from the real thing.

Slowly and reluctantly he pulled away. He looked at her, his eyes shining with accomplishment. And she knew he had been waiting for the exact same thing. But before she could say anything, his eyes turned cold. Cold and guarded, a look she knew well and hated.

He dropped his hands from her face and said some-what sarcastically, "Yeah, that meant _nothing." _He had always lied so well and for a second she had believed him. He had turned and walked off; running away from what he cared most about, something he had mastered from his teen years.

Rory stood there in the middle of the sidewalk, her fingers on her lips, watching his back retreat. It was such a familiar visual that she felt her heart break once again. But then she remembered the kiss. The passion and love that came with the kiss and she knew that he was just scared. He had _always_ been scared despite his I-don't-give-a-damn exterior.


	4. Chapter 4: Mastering Avoidance

~Once again, thank you so much for reading this. Reviews are very much appreciated and will make me feel obligated to write more. Leave anything you want, comment on my writing *bats eyelashes*, questions or ideas. I will read and treasure every single one even if you say you hate my writing.

Love Beezyboo your typical 13 year old girl(: ~

This is actually a filer chapter so bare with me! Gets better next chapter(:

A have made up my mind, I will NOT upload my next chapter until I get 15 reviews minimum. Hehe(: So you can either leave the ending there…or simply just press review story at the very bottom. You're choice.

Chapter 4: Mastering Denial and Avoidance

Rory was avoiding Logan. Jess was avoiding Rory. It was a triangle of a handful of unanswered messages, and untouched emails.

Rory was not ready to explain what had happened to Logan. She was still trying to figure it out herself.

Jess didn't want to answer Rory. He knew that once he did, he'd have to go through the 'I want to be friends speech.' And he just couldn't handle that right now. So her calls were screened and her messages unread. He wanted to avoid her as much as possible until he had to.

…

Rory sat down on a stool in the diner and waited, patiently for Luke to be done with a customer.

"Rory," Luke said with a smile acknowledging her. She smiled back. Things had been a bit tense at the house lately. Lorelai wanted to know what was up with Jess, Rory didn't have the answers. And Luke's beloved nephew was avoiding talking to him as much as possible.

He poured her a cup of coffee and waited for whatever she came here to say. Luke knew Rory well, and he knew she needed to talk to him because Jess-related topics because they were never something she could discuss with Lorelai.

"Have you talked to him?" She asked not looking at him but instead focusing on her coffee cup. This had become a habit. Ever since Rory was 18 and her mother wouldn't be able to make it to the diner, Rory would ask causally how Jess was doing. The first time she had asked, had surprised Luke. It was a few months after his departure and she had been staying the weekend in Stars Hallow. She had asked him so quietly that he wasn't sure if had heard her correctly. All topics Jess related were avoided. No one in town had brought him up in months. But Rory came in, like every regular day, looking at Luke with her big blue eyes. He had wanted to tell her that he was doing fine; he wished that he knew that. But he didn't. He hadn't heard from his nephew since the day before he left. It was killing him as much as it was killing her.

But she continued to ask and then eventually he did know. He would tell her little stories about what he had told him. She would smile, holding on to every word of Jess' new life. She wanted him to be good. She always wished the best for him. Then at the end of her conversation she would always hug Luke and thank him. It had become routine, she did it when she got back together with Dean and when she dated Logan. She always needed to know he was okay.

Luke cleared his voice, not knowing whose side to be on this time. Years earlier, he had been a hundred percent on Rory's side but now it was a different story. The circumstances had been reversed and Jess was now the one hurting; he had been the one hurting for a long time now. And he didn't deserve it; old Jess might have but not this one. But Rory was like Luke's other daughter, so he decided he'd tell her what he knew.

"He called this morning," he said, smiling sadly and refilling her cup. She nodded and bit her lip, "I didn't hear the phone ring." She had answered all calls to the house, knowing that Jess would eventually have to talk to his uncle.

"He called at the diner," Luke said. Rory nodded slowly. He was really sticking to this avoidance thing wasn't he?

"How is he?" She asked softly.

Luke looked at her and decided that this time he wasn't going to spare the truth.

"I don't think he's doing very well."

"Oh,"

"I mean you know Jess, he won't go out and say it but you can tell he's hurting; really bad."

She nodded her head, she expected as much but it hurt for Luke to say it out loud. It hurt to know he was hurting because of her. And it hurt to know that Luke was disappointed. No sane person could handle disappointing Luke, especially Rory who had in her life only made him proud.

"I didn't mean too," she said softly, tear forming in her eyes. He hated when Rory cried. He hated it with a passion and he wanted to take his words back and tell her Jess was perfectly fine. But he couldn't. He also couldn't hug her and wipe her tears like he desperately wanted to. These were the consequences this time.

"You two never mean to, but you always do," he said quietly. There was so much truth behind that one sentence that it was overwhelming.

….

"Rory, I've been trying to call you for a few days now. And you obviously know this, considering you've been avoiding my calls. But I just wanted to tell you that if you're with that writer, then you should have told me. I deserve an explanation. You can't just go on a date with me and then kiss him in the middle of the town. That's not how these things work. I –I still love you, Rory. And if that was just a misunderstanding then I wish we could try again." Logan's voice came out loud and clear from the answering machine. She cringed when she heard his declaration of love. And she wondered miserably if Dean was going to show up soon and admit to loving her still too. It wasn't impossible considering her last week.

What she had done was wrong. Okay, well not wrong, that kiss was _anything_ but wrong. But flaunting it in front of Logan when they were on a 'date' was wrong. It was dejavu though, kissing Jess while dating someone else. Good, sweet Rory had cheated on all of her boyfriends with Jess. She knew it was wrong, but it always seemed to happen. Just like Luke had summarized their mistakes, they never meant to.

She grabbed the phone and dialed a number she had memorized in the last few days. This time she was actually going to leave a message.

"Jess, I need to talk to you. I know you're hurting and I know I'm not your favorite person right now but we need to talk. Because honestly, I'm also hurting and I am not my favorite person right now either. So um, please call me. I really need to hear your voice. Well, bye." She said and hung up the phone. She felt worse than when she had picked it up. She couldn't believe she honestly said that.

…..

"- So um, please call me. I really need to hear your voice. Well, bye." Jess sat on the coach listening as she ended her rant. She was nervous, she always babbled when she was nervous. He used to think it was cute, now it was just annoying.

"Dude, when are you going to talk to her?" Chris said taking a sip of the beer had just opened and leaned against the doorway, watching Jess.

Jess wouldn't meet his gaze and seemed very intent on staring at the wall, "for as long as I can avoid it."

"That girl has been calling nonstop for the past week; can you please tell me what's going on?"

"_That girl,_" Jess using that name that Chris had just referred to her as, "is Rory."

Chris' face completely froze. Many drunken occurrences had told him just who Rory was. He knew a whole lot about Rory. Including just how much she had messed up Jess. He couldn't even begin to count how many times he had to watch Jess vomit on the rug, slur her name, and on special occasions cry. Jess was a recovering alcoholic because of Rory. Jess wrote because of Rory. Rory was a part of Jess.

"Oh."

"Yeah," Jess repeated, "Oh."

Chris took a deep breath. Jess was getting better. This could be his collapse. His breakdown point, he prayed that it wasn't. "How did this happen?"

"I've been going to Stars Hallow lately for Luke's wedding, remember? We were bound to run into each other considering her mom is marrying Luke." His words were candy coated with sarcasm and an edge that Chris wasn't familiar with.

Neither Chris nor Matthew had met old-Jess, as they liked to call it. Quite, moody, smart, sarcastic, and rude Jess but they had heard about him. Luke visited occasionally and would tell the boys about his misunderstood nephew. The loved hearing about his rebellious stage considering that was not the man they knew today. But Chris knew that the person Jess had become today, was the past him. The hurt, angry, unforgiving he and Chris didn't know Rory. And he was pretty damn happy, because any girl that could do that to _Jess_ must be some piece of work.

"So what happened, you get there and she randomly just breaks your heart?" Two can play at the sarcastic game.

Jess glared at him, rubbing the stubble from days of not shaving on his chin. "No."

"Then what's the problem?"

"She wanted to be friends," he states. Chris understands how that can be bad especially if he was still madly in love with her like he had been when he first started working here.

"Friends could be good thing Jess, think about it, it could be a fresh start for you too. And from the phone call it sounds like she want a fresh start too."

"Friends isn't such a bad thing, Chris," he said and gave him a withering stare before continuing to talk, "unless you agree and then all of a sudden she's sucking face with the jerk that cheated on her and then proposed to her." Chris wanted to take back what he said. Maybe, friends weren't such a good thing after all.

"Oh," Chris said one again.

"That word sounding pretty ironic now, huh?" Jess said and took time to focus on the wall. Chris hated Rory. He was sure of it. He hated anyone that could break his guarded roommate to the point of no return. But he was pretty sure that he hated seeing Jess like this even more.

"She sounded sorry. Maybe it was a misunderstanding," Chris said dumbly. He had no words that could help repair his friend.

"Well, I'm tired of misunderstandings. Or whole damn relationship is based on misunderstandings," Jess was building momentum and if he didn't calm down soon he'd explode.

"I know, Jess. But maybe this time will be different."

"It's never different." Jess stated and looked at Chris just before the phone started ringing once again.

"Hi, um, me again, well I think I finally understand that you don't want to talk to me. But I want to talk to you. Really badly, I want to have a chance to explain. We're going to have to see each other soon enough so just stop this, okay? I'm sick and tired of feeling bad. Call me, as soon as possible. Bye, I guess," she said and the answering machine clicked off motioning that the call was done.

"I think you should listen to her." Chris said. "Call her, maybe you can work things out."

"Why should I work things out, if they're just going to break apart again?" jess said stubbornly. He wished, more than anything, that they could work things out and get there fairytale ending. But after growing up around drugs, abuse, and a broken heart, the happy ending never seemed likely.


	5. Chapter5:Lets just pretend were dreaming

~Me again. Well, thank you for reading. This is a shorter chapter then the rest but I will be uploading again. Okay, so I uploaded a chapter without 15 reviews. And it's because I get really excited when I finish a chapter so I had to upload it. And someone mentioned 15 was a bit unrealistic, and I guess that true. But I already have 8 so I do expect 15 by next time. (: I'm glad to hear people like it. You do know how huge it is for someone to actually read what I wrote. Well, anyways back to the story.

Beezyboo, just some crazy 13 year old girl(:~

Chapter 5: If you are going to fix it, we will.

His mouth was watering and his body aching. He hadn't wanted a beer this badly since he had quit, four months ago. But he needed a drink, just _one_ drink to forget about her.

Just one, he promised himself before grabbing one from the fridge and popping it open on the counter. Just one, he said once again before taking a sip. Erasing all tastes of Rory and leaving the bitter, stinging taste of alcohol. He needed to forget. For just one second, he needed to forget about her. Forget her taste, forget her eyes, and forget the way she kissed, but most importantly the results leading up and after the kiss. He needed to pretend for a second, that they were still seventeen and in love and he didn't mess everything up. He needed to pretend, he needed to stop thinking for a minute and drink.

Just one drink, he reminded himself before pressing his lips to the bottle for the second time in four months. He gulped it down just as the message machine beeped.

"Jess, this is the last time I'm going to call. I want to fix this but I'm not going to beg. I've missed talking to you, I've missed-"Jess closed his eyes and blocked out her voice. He put the bottle to his lips for the third time and sipped until her voice stopped.

He finished that bottle and went back to the fridge. Just two drinks, that's all I need.

…..

Two hours later after two drinks had turned into three and three into twelve, Chris and Matthew returned.

"Jess," Matt and Chris called out in mocking girly voices when they opened the door to Truncheon. "Oh, Jessie, where art thou Jessie," Matt mocked as both him and Chris sat down the supplies on the couch.

No answer.

After a moment of silence waiting for a response, Chris spoke, "Jess, dude, I'm serious! Where are you?"

Again, no response, "I'm not joking man. This is not funny; I am going to beat your butt when I find you!" Matt called out as Chris looked around the coffee table and holding up Jess' keys. Jess never walked, so he had to be here.

"Jess," Matt called once again walking towards the kitchen, Chris following closely behind.

"Where the hell are you, man-oh no." Matt said as he entered the kitchen.

"What?" Chris said coming in quickly behind him. "Oh no," he repeated also.

Matt quickly went to Jess' unconscious side. Chris picked up the dozens bottles of beer and was throwing them in the trash.

"He needs to get to the hospital," Matt said after checking his pulse.

"What?" Chris said startled.

"We need to get him to the hospital," Matt repeated slowly. "I think he has alcohol poisoning."

….

"Hello?" asked a deep groggily voice.

"Hi, Mr. Danes it's Chris, you know Jess' friend. I'm sorry to be calling at such an ungodly hour but um, Jess is," he fumbled with some words. It was 3 in the morning and Luke wasn't very patient person quite yet; if he was _ever a_ patient person.

"Chris what are you trying to tell me?"

"Jess is in the hospital," Chris finally breathed. And Luke froze. His nephew was in the hospital?

"What?" He said and immediately started to wake up Lorelai's sleeping figure next to him. His breathing became ragged. He can't be in the hospital can he?

"He's in the hospital, Mr. Danes."

It's true, it's really true, Luke thought. "For what?"

"Alcohol poisoning," Luke rubbed his face in his hands. This can't be happening, he thought. This is just a dream.

But then he vaguely remembered hearing something about AA and memories of a drunken Liz came to mind and he cringed.

After what seemed like an eternity he spoke again. "Is he going to be okay?"

Chris paused, "I don't know. But we aren't going to find out until you get here; they won't talk to anyone besides family. And I didn't know where to reach his mom or even if I should reach-," Luke cut him off.

"No, Chris you made a good choice by calling me. I'll get there as soon as possible. Just give me the address."

Luke finished scribbling down the address and then jumped up and put on his clothes; while practically screaming at Lorelai to get up.

"What?" Lorelai finally mumbled while putting her head in the pillow.

"Jess is in the hospital," Luke watched as Lorelai's body froze and then sprang up.

"What?" She asked, now fully awake.

"Jess is in the hospital." He repeated slowly.

"You're kidding?" She exclaimed, worry growing on her features. She hoped he was kidding. She would kill him if he was kidding.

"Are you crazy? Do you think I would kid about something like this?" Luke said angry. He needed to get out of here. He needed to go see, touch and make sure his nephew was okay.

"What happened?" She said getting up and also changing in to real clothes. Jess can't be in the hospital, she whispered to herself.

"Alcohol poising," he said grabbing his keys. "Go wake up, Rory."

Lorelai nodded even though she had so many questions whirling around in her head. Alcohol poising? Jess seemed like someone who could hold their liquor.

"Rory, honey, wake up!" Rory twisted and turned and then she finally woke up. Hair was in her face and she just stared at her crazy mother who fully dressed at 3 in the morning.

"Mom," she moaned, "What's going on?"

This wasn't going to be easy to tell her daughter. "Jess is in the hospital." Her face froze in the same way that Luke's and Lorelai's had. Hers stayed frozen for a moment longer though.

"For what?" she finally seemed to say.

"Alcohol poising," her mom whispered. She still couldn't believe it.

"Is he that bad?"

"We don't know. Jess' friend that called seemed to think it was but they can't get any news on how he's doing until we get there."

Rory looked confused, why did they have to be there?

"Family," Lorelai whispered understanding Rory's confused face. It was only three after all.

"Oh, right," she whispered then got up and put on her clothes faster than Lorelai had ever seen her.

She didn't look in the mirror, didn't wash her face, just got dressed and was out the door.

"Let's go," she called upstairs to Luke. Luke nodded coming down the stairs. He put a hand on Rory's and then seemed to change his mind and hugged her for a second. He held her close and Rory let out a little whimper. He then moved away from the only person that cared about his nephew as much as he did.

"Let's go," he repeated taking Lorelai's hand.

The four hour car ride was completely silent. None of them quite believing that there were visiting picture perfect healthy Jess in the hospital. All of them thinking this was only a bad dream and that they'll wake up soon enough.


	6. Chapter 6: Breaking the Unbreakable

Hi, me, once again. Not tired of me yet? Well, this chapter, I know is worse than the past ones. But don't be to hard on my considering, I'm currently suffering writers block. But I finished it, even though it sucks, and I had to post it. If you guys really don't like it as much as me. I just might replace this chapter. Review; give me your comments, ideas, or questions. Please, you don't know how much I love to read peoples responses. Well, thank you. Hope you enjoy!(:

-Breeze, just some weird thirteen year old girl(:

Chapter 6: I so hate hospitals

Rory wasn't happy. She couldn't pin point exactly how long she had been unhappy whether it was right this moment or for years. But as she was waiting patiently to see Jess, it became brutally clear that she wasn't happy.

And the more she thought about it, the more she wondered when was the last time she was happy. She went over the highlights of the past two years, and she couldn't remember being happy. Not once. The feeling had become foreign to her, and what replaced the giddy feeling of excitement was numbness and fake smiles.

Lorelai was sitting in the passenger's seat trying hard not to cry, that wasn't what Rory and Luke needed right this moment.

Luke didn't know what to feel. He was hoping that it was just a false alarm and Jess was okay. That everything would be okay. For the first time in Luke's life, he was trying to be positive.

Rory couldn't cry. Because she realized that she was not only unable to feel happiness but also to be sad. She was numb. She couldn't feel. She was in a shock. And suddenly she remembered the last time she was truly happy.

…

_"Hey Mr. Mysterious," a seventeen year old Rory said walking on to the bridge. Jess smirked; finishing the last paragraph of the chapter he was reading and then tossed the book to the side, looking up at his girlfriend. _

_ "You've never complained before," he said grabbing her by the waist when she was close enough and setting her down onto his lap. She fell down with a jerk, and giggled as she got comfortable._

_ "I'm not complaining," she said, staring at him and then grabbing one of his curls to twirl around between her fingers. "But when I go to find you, no one has any idea where to find you and you don't have a cell phone I can call." She didn't mean for it to come out nagging and he knew that._

_ "Huh," he responded._

_ "Yeah, I went to look for you at the diner and when I asked Luke where you were he looked at me for a second before scoffing." Jess laughed as he pictured Luke's face._

_ "But mystery is part of my charm," he whispered in her ear before kissing her sloppily on the cheek. She laughed again. He smiled; he loved the way her whole face lit up when she laughed._

_ She put a finger on his nose, "You already have enough charm."_

_ He smiled under her touch, "Huh?"_

_ "Yes," she said knowing that his huh was more of a question then a statement. "You read, your funny, and you have that whole leather jacket thing going on; how could I resist?"_

_ "Don't forget that I'm ridiculously handsome," he said with a completely straight face. _

_ "How could I forget?" She asked and kissed him quickly on the lips. "Oh, and you're not too terrible of a kisser." She said with a huge smile on her face. Jess rolled his eyes. "I am the best kisser."_

_ "And humble too," she responded stealing his infamous smirk._

_ He tickled her and she giggled even more, "Admit it."_

_ "Never," she said stubbornly between her giggle fits. _

_ He tickled her harder. "Never," she repeated giggling._

_ He stopped and pressed his lips to hers. She fought the kiss for a minute, determined to win this match because he always won their arguments. But eventually she stopped fighting. She couldn't help it. It was like someone trying to stop the sun from shining. Impossible._

_ He pulled away and smirked as she tried to catch her breath. Her cheeks were pink, and her heart was beating faster than normal._

_ "Say it," he warned, his face coming closer to hers. She shook her head. He got closer and she quickly ducked her head buried it in his chest and listened to his heart. Wondering if the kiss had affected him as much as her; she smiled when she realized it did. His breathing became more ragged. He didn't want her to know. He didn't want her to know what she did to him. Just in case she decided to break his heart._

_ She noticed that he was growing uncomfortable so she whispered into his chest, "you're the best kisser."_

_ His worry quickly vanished and he smirked. "Sorry, couldn't hear that. Could you say that again?" She sighed, even though she thought it was cute._

_ She hugged him tighter. "You are the best kisser," she said slowly emphasizing every word._

_ "Better then Dean?" He asked, curiously; his smirk hiding his insecurity. She nodded into his shirt._

_ "Better than anybody," she said quietly. She meant it. She, of course, had not kissed everybody to be able to determine that. But she was certain, that nobody kissed better then Jess Mariano. His smiled genuinely no teasing behind it this time, even though she couldn't see it. He kissed the top of her hair. "Good," he whispered into her hair his lips forming a smile. And she smiled. If she had only known it would be her last real smile in a while._

…

That was the last time she had been happy. That was the day before **the** party. The day before all the happiness she had surrounded herself with came crashing down.

She remembered the real smiles, the way she had felt so comfortable is Jess arms, and remembered that that was the very moment she realized they were meant to be. She had already realized a while back that she was in love with him. But right then she had just realized she would probably never love anybody else the same.

She still knew it, it killed her but she knew it.

She shook her head after reliving the memory and stared out the window.

She silently wished that he could make her feel again. That all the love, happiness, and different emotions she had felt as a teenager would be returned to her by the boy that stole them when he left her. Taking everything she had and leaving her with nothing but memories and the ghost of 'what could have been'.

…...

"Name," asked the secretary looking bored at the front desk of some local hospital in Philly.

"Jess Mariano," Luke said quickly, trying not to pull out his hair. His nephew was probably not even a few feet away.

"And you are?" She asked, peering at him from over her dark rimmed glasses.

"His uncle," Luke replied shortly. It was now 4 in the morning, his nephew was in the hospital, and Luke did not have the patience for frivolous conversation.

Lorelai had her arms wrapped around her daughter closely behind Luke.

"Okay," she said and took her sweet time looking through the names on the computer. "He's room 43," she said and Luke thanked her and then three of them ran to the room like Speedy Gonzalez.

"Hi Matt, Chris," Luke said trying to breathe regularly. Both boys jumped up from where they were sitting on the bench.

"Mr. Danes," the both said simultaneously. Lorelai and Rory, finding this slightly funny considering they've never heard anyone refer to Luke as Mr. Danes.

"Call me Luke," Luke said and both boys nodded. And the silence kicked in.

"Can we see him?" Lorelai asked quietly, from behind Luke. Luke turned around and both boys turned their attention to her.

Matt shook his head, not wanting to speak. "The doctor informed us not so long ago that he was sleeping," Chris said, finally speaking. Lorelai nodded and then sat down in bench across from where the boys were sitting. Rory followed quickly behind her.

Luke stood, pacing nervously, and wringing his hands. He needed to do something. He needed to take his mind off of the fact that his nephew could be dying for all he knew.

"Lorelai," Luke finally said, causing his fiancé to look up at him. "Let's get some you some coffee?"

For the first time, in well, _ever_ Lorelai Gilmore was not craving coffee. She was already wound-up as it was. But she knew Luke needed to do something before going completely insane so she nodded. "Okay," she said before getting up and taking her place next to Luke.

"Rory, honey?" Lorelai said to the girl who looked small in the bench. Both boys had snapped up when they heard the name and stared at the girl who belonged to the name.

"Huh?" Rory asked waking out of her trance.

"Do you want coffee?" Luke asked softly, his brownish green eyes silently trying to comfort her.

She nodded, "please." Luke and Lorelai both looked at her for a moment longer before going to get the coffee.

"Rory?" Matt finally said. Rory looked up, they knew her? And by their glares, she assumed they didn't like her much.

"Rory Gilmore?" Chris asked. Rory nodded, biting her lip and putting a strand of hair behind her ear.

Rory wasn't who Matt and Chris expected the girl to break Jess' heart to look like. She looked to small and innocent to break anybody. They had pictured a tall blond, or crazy red head, but the more they thought about they realized that wasn't Jess' type.

But it didn't matter how innocent she _looked. _One thing was for sure, Jess was in the hospital because of her. And they hated her because of that.

"We've heard a lot about you," Matt said. And Rory nodded once again, she didn't know what to say, she _hated_ when people hated her.

"We don't like you," Chris said simply. He's as blunt as Jess, Rory thought.

She nodded again, "I'm not too crazy about myself at the moment either."

They ignored what she said. "You know he's in there because of _you," _Matt said, his words full of venom. He had never wanted to hurt anybody the way he wanted to hurt her. He stared icily at her as she flinched.

That piece of information had been tugging at her all night. A part of her knew, it was her fault; she just had been praying it wasn't.

Once again, she broke the unbreakable. "I didn't mean to," she said quietly telling both the boys and herself that.

"I'm sure you didn't. I mean what kind of sick person turns someone into alcoholic and then puts him in the hospital?" _Alcoholic, _the word rang in her ear. Jess, her Jess, was an alcoholic? Her head was spinning in circles. Jess, was an alcoholic because of her. The thought seemed absurd but also likely. Jess was bound to crack eventually and it seemed right that the substance would be alcohol. He was too smart to go to drugs like his mother had.

Rory has felt terrible plenty of times in her life. She's felt guilt, regret, and hatred towards herself. But nothing compared with what she was feeling right now. The only boy she's really loved is in alcoholic because of her. She suddenly wished she could take his place. That she could be in the hospital instead of him.

She changed her mind. She wouldn't want anyone to feel the same self-hatred that she did right now.

"I-I need to go," she stuttered. Getting up and grabbing her purse. She needs fresh air; she needed to think, just for a moment.

She walked out of the hospital doors as quick as possible. She leaned back against the building and breathed in and out.

He drank because of her. She had done this to him. She hadn't even realized she had so much power over him. She didn't know _anybody_ had this much power of him. She broke the unbreakable. The words kept coming back to her. She couldn't stop them, _you broke the unbreakable. You broke the unbreakable. You broke Jess. _She, Rory Gilmore, broke Jess Mariano, the unbreakable, and she would never forgive herself for that.

…..

"Hey," Rory whispered into the phone about ten minutes after her break-down. Waterfalls of tears were pouring out of her eyes.

"Rory?" asked a tired voice on the other line. Oh right, it was only four thirty.

Rory hadn't talked to Paris Gellar in the last few months and hadn't seen her in over a year. Actually the last time Paris had called her was to tell her she was engaged and Rory was going to be the maid of honor. The wedding was in a year and Rory suddenly felt like the world's crappiest maid of honor for not talking to the bride in months.

"Yeah," she said quietly.

"Are you okay?"

She laughed shakily. "No." She said and paused. "No, I don't think I am."

"What's wrong?" Paris demanded. Paris was rough around the edges, there was no doubt about it, but she was one of the most loyal and protective best friends.

"I'm at hospital," silence.

"What happened? Are you okay? Is everything okay?" Paris was shooting questions at her as if they were bullets.

"Yeah, I'm fine and everyone else is fine to, I think." She thought for second. "No, on second thought, I'm not fine."

"Rory, calm down, tell me what's going on."

"Jess he's in the hospital."

"The James Dean wannabe?" Paris said. Rory laughed despite the fact that nothing at the moment was funny to her.

"Yeah, him, he, um, is actually in the hospital because of me," Rory said biting her lips so hard it could bleed.

"What do you mean because of you? Did you run him over, or what?" Paris was never exactly sympathetic. "No, he is an alcoholic and he came to the hospital tonight because he had alcohol poisoning." She hated saying the words; she hated the truth behind them. She just hated everything right now.

"Oh, Rory," Paris said. No more sarcasm, no more roughness, just plain old sympathy.

Rory cried harder. She didn't deserve the sympathy.

"I'm so sorry," Paris said quietly as her best friend, only friend, cried. Me too, Rory thought miserably, me too.

"Well, I'm calling because I was wondering if I could stay with you a few day," Rory said. She needed to get away. She needed to go see her best friend in New York. She just needed to get away from the guilt.

"Of course, when are you going to get here?"

"Well, um, that was the other thing; I don't exactly want anyone to know where I'm going so I was wondering if you could pick me up."

A pause, a moment of silence and then an "Of course. Where do I get you?"

She rattled of the name of the hospital and it address.

"All see you in a few hours," Paris said.

"Thank you so much," Rory said. She owed Paris. It was a scary fact, owing Paris, but Paris had saved her one too many times.

"No problem," Paris said before hanging up.

Rory snuck back into the hospital avoiding Matt, Chris, Luke, and her mom.

She just needed to see Jess. Only for one second.

…..

She stared at his sleeping figure. He looked more vulnerable then she had ever seen him. He looked like an angel, with his perfect curls, baby soft skin, sculpture face, and deep breaths.

He looked to healthy to be in a hospital. He looked to sweet and innocent, sleeping, to deserve to have to go through this.

She bit her lip trying to stop crying so hard because she knew she'd wake him up. She put the note she had written only moments before in his hand and kissed his forehead. All his life he's been telling himself that Rory deserved better. When really it was him who deserved better, Rory thought to herself.

She sat in the chair and rubbed his limp hand until Paris got there to pick her up.

…..

The note had many things written in it. An explanation, an excuse; she told him how sorry she was. She also told him that she would be gone for a bit. She'd be back before the wedding, of course. But she needed time to think. She needed to give him time. She told him to tell her mom and Luke that they shouldn't worry. She was safe. She told him everything.

She told him how she's felt numb inside since he'd left her. She reminded him of her last blissful moment of happiness.

But most importantly were the words written at the very bottom. The words Jess had been waiting for, for years.

Three simple little words were scrolled across the bottom. Yet these words would turn his life upside down. It was slightly crazy that words could have so much power.

But at the very bottom of the page in neat cursive was written, _I love you._

And right below that were the words, _I always have. _

Remember, Review. I will be forever grateful(:


	7. Chapter 7: Everything's going to be okay

You know the drill, please review. (: Hope you like it….

Chapter 7: Everything's going to be alright

If you had told Rory 4 years ago that Paris would have to hold her as she cried while she retold the story of why Jess was in the hospital, she would have merely laughed and told you that you were crazy.

But right now those weren't the words of a crazy person but instead reality. Paris had picked her up exactly when she said she would and Rory had jumped into the car. Silence filled the car ride for about an hour. Neither of them had said anything since Rory got into the car, they hadn't even greeted eachother.

But after an hour of complete silence, Paris had gotten off of the freeway and pulled up on the side of the road. As the car came to a complete stop, Rory started to cry. Real tears, real sorrows, she was _really _crying. Paris, who at first didn't know what to do, finally had taken her best friends into her arms, rubbing her back and trying to calm her down. Rory couldn't calm down but instead told, or more accurately blubbered, the story. Not just the story of the last two weeks, but the story of the last four years. Paris had known the obvious, like the fact that he had left. But she didn't know the details and she let Rory tell her them because she needed to say them to understand just as much as Paris did.

They sat there for about an hour, Rory retelling her and Jess story wile crying and Paris rubbing her head and telling her everything was going to be okay. Even though, they both knew that was a lie. Her and Jess' relationship was anything but okay.

…..

"Luke," Jess said roughly and his uncle's eyes had fluttered open at the sound of his nephew's voice.

"Jess," he said and immediately got up from the chair he had been sleeping in only moments before and moving to his nephew's side.

Jess closed his eyes when Luke was at his side. "I'm sorry," he whispered softly not wanting to look at his uncle.

Luke touched the top of his head softly, caressing the mess of curls. "I know," he said softly, "I know, Jess". Jess kept his eyes close but when he heard his uncle's response the corner of his mouth lifted slightly. Luke bent down on the side of the hospital bed, continuing to rub Jess' head softly letting him know that he was there. He was always there.

Jess' breathing got hollow and deeper until he had fallen back asleep. Luke not wanting to move from his nephews side, continued to sit there.

…

"It's nice," Rory commented once they reached Paris' apartment. Paris took her time to look around the apartment while Rory did. Paris responded after a second, "Thanks." Paris smiled reassuringly at Rory as Rory took her first step into the apartment. Rory took a deep breath before walking in. Here's to getting a grip on reality, she thought as took her first step.

…

"Luke," whispered Lorelai shaking her fiancé to wake-up because he had fallen asleep, his head on the side of Jess' bed and his body on the floor. He was exhausted but he was determined to be as close to Jess as possible while he was in the hospital. Luke woke up with a jerk.

"Huh?" He said looking around, his eyes slightly dazed and they couldn't seem to concentrate on anything. "Is Jess awake?"

Lorelai quickly shook her head. "No, no, Jess is still sleeping." She said looking at Jess sleeping figure; looking more peaceful then she had ever seen him before. Luke looked at him too, sighing softly, wishing his nephew would wake up so he could know just how he was feeling.

"I wanted to ask you if you've seen Rory," Luke immediately looked up at his fiancé. Rory? Rory was…he suddenly couldn't remember. When was the last time he's seen his soon-to-be-step-daughter?

"No," he said slowly, trying to figure out where she would be. He hadn't seen her in hours, since he'd given her the coffee he'd gotten for her.

"Me neither, I can't find her anywhere and she won't pick up her cell phone."

Luke didn't say anything but instead a piece of paper on the ground caught his eye. He picked it up, Lorelai still rambling on not noticing the paper that Luke had just found.

Luke opened it up and read silently not paying attention to Lorelai.

"What is that?" She asked finally realizing he wasn't listening.

"One second," he said, putting up a finger, motioning that he was almost done. He finished reading and then sighed, "oh no."

"Luke," Lorelai said getting worried. "What is that?" She laughed shakily, "is that a note from Matt and Chris telling us where she's buried?" Luke didn't laugh.

"Here," he said, handing her the paper and then focusing on his nephew. Lorelai read the words as quickly as she could talk. She gasped the look in her eyes making it quite obvious and then she didn't believe it. She had just found the key to Rory's heart. Everything she's been holding in since Jess left was in this letter. And it scared her that there was such a big part of Rory that was never shared with her.

"She couldn't have just…left," she said, reading the words on the letter. She didn't understand them this time she read them. They were just a bunch of jumbled words, and her eyes started to blur. "She couldn't have just left him! He's in the hospital for God's sake, what was she thinking?" Luke didn't know. He couldn't begin to tell you what the other Gilmore girl was thinking. After reading that letter, he wasn't even sure that he knew what Jess had been thinking all along. He had known that they were weirdly connected. That there were strong, that they made each other strong. But after reading that letter, he realized that everything he had ever thought was majorly understated. He didn't even know how to comprehend it. So instead he stared blankly as he angelic-looking nephew. He didn't want to understand it. He was happy not knowing about the hurt that they had caused each other.

Luke shook his head, "I don't know."

Lorelai sighed angrily, "Rory has done some low things but I think ditching the boy she just confessed to loving in the hospital is just about the lowest." Luke always accepted what Rory did, he never questioned it, and just assumed Rory knew what she was doing. Lorelai didn't, she wasn't just going to accept that Rory did this. She was never as easy going as Luke was.

"Where would she even go?" Lorelai said starting to pace. Luke didn't look at her. He continued gazing at his nephew, how was he supposed to explain this to him?

"I mean, she can't go to anywhere in Star's hallow, my grandparent's would be stupid." She paused, taking a look at Jess and realizing another thing. "He's in pain. He came here because he was in pain. How are we supposed to tell him?"

Luke finally looked at her, standing up, "were not."

Lorelai was dumbfounded, "were not?"

Luke shook his head, "no. We are not showing him this letter. We will tell him that Rory is away right now, nothing more than that. We are going to find her, and she will come here and explain this." He finished his monologue and Lorelai nodded agreeing, that was exactly what they were going to do. Rory was going to have to confront this, they both were. No more hiding.

"What do you have to explain to me?" asked a groggily voice from behind Luke. Both adults turned quickly to look at him. Oh no.

He watched both of their face looking back and forth from Lorelai to Luke. "What letter?" He asked slowly. Lorelai and Luke shared a look; _busted. _

Lorelai, grudgingly handed over the letter to Jess. She had never been so angry at her daughter as she was in this moment. She turned from Jess; she couldn't bare seeing him being hurt yet again by her daughter. Enough was enough.

Jess looked up at his uncle, curiously. Luke silently nodded, giving him permission to open it. Luke thought he'd never look his rebellious nephew look quite so innocent.

Jess sighed before opening the letter, his beautiful greenish-brown eyes getting wider when he recognized the hand-writing.

…..

"This can be your room," Paris said switching on a light in the bedroom.

Rory smiled gratefully, "Thank you." She looked at the room, it was bigger than her room in Star's Hallow. It had white walls, a window with cream curtains and a queen sized curtain. She smiled, the smile not reaching her eyes, until she realized something and her hand shot up to her mouth, gasping.

"What?" Paris asked, worried.

"Oh my gosh, I don't have any clothes. I don't have _anything. _How could I be so stupid?" Rory asked shaking her head. For a girl that lived her life based on list and well thought out plans, this was ridiculous; beyond ridiculous that it was unfathomable.

"I realized that in the middle of the car ride. Were not a huge difference in clothes, you can wear mine. And later on today will go to the market and get you your essentials; toothbrush, etc."

Rory smiled again at Paris. "Thank you so much," she said hugging Paris tightly. Pairs hugged her back, wishing more than anything that Rory's smiles were just a little bit more believable.

Review.! Thank you(:


	8. Chapter 8: Catch me if you can

This is a filler chapter, so it's short. The shortest chapter I have at the moment. But I will be updating soon. I'm a bit busy right now, because even though I'm on a break from school, I still have homework. Thus, I can't write as much as I'd like(:. Okay, well review(: Tell me what you think, give me ideas….anything. Thank you so much! -Breeze

Chapter 8: Catch me of you can.

"Rory," Doyle said that afternoon, coming home from work. "Nice to see you," he said with a friendly grin.

Rory, who was seated at his kitchen table while sipping coffee, returned the friendly gesture. Even Doyle noticed the fact that she looked like the living dead. Her eyes cold and body so pale and fragile that you'd think it would snap at any second. What one day could do to you was amazing, or horrifying.

Rory had gotten to Paris and Doyle's apartment and took a nap. She was dead, beat, and nothing could wake her. No one tried though, Paris knew she needed it. Paris knew Rory better then Rory knew herself at the moment.

The scariest thing in the world is to realize that you don't know. You don't know your friends, you don't know your future, but scariest of them all is when you figure out you don't know _yourself. _That is the worst. That is something that eats you up at night while you go back in time and tried to pinpoint just when you stopped recognizing that face in the mirror.

That was how Rory felt. She didn't know who she was, she felt as if she's been participating in a movie the last four years, feeling and doing everything the director told you to do never quite doing things on your own. And when she replayed the role in the movie that was her life, all she could think was, _I was such an idiot. _ She had been so busy making everyone else happy and doing everything that everyone else told her to do; that she'd lost herself in the process. She'd lost purpose and clarity. And that was just enough to kill her.

"Hi Doyle," she said softly, taking another sip of coffee. It wasn't good as Luke's, she thought for a second and then regretting it. Because the next thought was the one in the back of her head that always whispered to her whenever she had done something wrong. This time it whispered about just how worried and upset Luke must be at this moment.

She pushed the voice to the back of her head. She was tired of worrying about other people; she needed time to focus on herself just for a bit. And if Luke continued to accupy her thoughts then Lorelai would close follow and then Jess. And by that time she'd be on the train back to Hartford. And she just couldn't, not this.

This time it was about her.

Doyle wanted to say something to the small girl at his kitchen table but he didn't. He had no idea what was going on in her head and he wasn't about to tell her something she didn't need.

So he smiled faintly at her and walked into the other room, looking for his fiancé. Paris was busy washing the clothes Rory was going to wear and stressing out on things she could do to make her best friend feel more comfortable. Paris might not be Rory's only best friend, but Rory sure was Paris'.

Doyle caught Paris eye and Paris dropped the basket of clothes she was holding. Her eyes so worried and sad you would think she had switched bodies with Rory. She hugged Doyle, feeling tiny in his arms, even though he wasn't very tall himself.

Rory might not be dealing with her problems right now, but Paris was dealing with them for her.

…..

His face had held so many emotions, that Lorelai and Luke, who had been watching him closely, couldn't begin to decipher what they were.

And then his face went blank, he could be one damn good gambler with that poker face of his. He looked like the teenager everyone remembered him as, the one that wouldn't let anyone get close enough to get in. Everything was a secret and a mystery, no one trustworthy enough to be let in.

The transition had been so quick that Lorelai and Luke wondered if they had imagined the emotions. There wasn't any trace of them left on his face, so they couldn't be sure.

He didn't look at them. His gazing lingering on the paper even though he had already finished reading it.

The last words leaving a mark in his head; _I love you, I always have. _He wanted to erase them, she was gone, and he wished so desperately that he had never known them.

It was slightly ridiculous that what he wanted more than anything at the moment was to forget the words he had wanted to hear since the day he's met her.

Everything about this was ridiculous and cliché. A man pining over a girl becomes an alcoholic and then goes to the hospital for alcohol poising after a heartbreaking moment. Girl leaves, wanting to find herself, after many years of broken promises and lies. And the only thing she leaves in her place is a letter.

If Jess read that on the back of the book, he would have laughed. It was so unbelievable and scoff worthy. Yet it was his story. He would have burnt the book, because it reminded him so much of himself.

He took one last look at the paper, silently cursing God for giving him a photographic memory, and the words would be forever sketched in his brain, and then ripped it.

Lorelai gasped, Luke was in shock; they hadn't just expected him to rip the paper to shreds.

He ripped it, wanting to forget all the pain. He hated this. He hated her for writing him this letter and then leaving.

Jess had done his fair share in leaving. Time and time again he's left. When the going got tough, the tough get going; was the phrase of his life.

But he'd stopped. He's stopped the running. He's stopped the hiding and he stopped being scared.

And it seemed that karma was taunting him. Because just when he got over his problems, it seemed the Rory had taken on his motto. She was now the runner. She was no longer the heartbroken but the heartbreaker.

Jess thought bitterly if God was sitting up there laughing at him. If this was the punishment for all the things he'd gotten away with. If so, he knew he deserved it.

He just wondered when the taunting would stop. When his heart would be healed and the universe would give him and Rory their second chance.

But as he ripped the paper, he realized he was no longer angry at himself. It took up too much effort to hate yourself. It was a lot easier to hate the person putting you through this torture.

He decided that he hated Rory Gilmore; it was at least a hell of a lot easier then loving her.


	9. Chapter 9

Hiya peoples.! So sorry for my lack of updating, I've been busy and writers block wasn't exactly helping. I do promise to upload a few more chapter in the next few days if I get reviews! So enjoy(: Thank you.

-Breeze

Chapter 9: Let's pretend you never existed.

Hate was a funny thing because you couldn't hate someone unless you've loved them first. It was an emotion that fed off of passion.

You hated that person but you could never stop thinking about.

Jess, realized that, as he sat in the hospital flipping through television channels while trying to drown out Luke's snoring. He realized miserably that hate was a lot like love.

So much, that it was hard to decipher which was which.

…

Rory was having trouble sleeping. She hadn't talked to her mom and Luke in a day. She had no idea how Jess was doing. She was a burden on the people who had taken her in.

She couldn't sleep. She tried not to think. She was done with thinking. Because she realized everything is somehow linked to him.

If she thought about a book, she would wonder if he's read it. She would think about a band, and her next thought was she should recommend their music to him. Even her mother led back to him.

It was insane. The whole thing was insane.

Paris was counting each time she heard Rory open the front door to the apartment, and then come back minutes after; the number was four.

Four times, that Rory had decided to leave and go back to Stars Hallow and then realize she didn't have the guts and come back to the safe haven of Paris' home.

If she had left, Paris wouldn't have stopped her. Actually, she'd probably get up and drive Rory to the train station herself. Making sure she got there safe.

Paris would have taken her, because that's what a friend does. But the other side would have made her stay until she figured out all her problems, telling her the cold hard truth and sympathizing with her when she needed it; because that's what a best friend does.

…...

"Hello?" Paris said picking up the phone on the third ring. She had been making coffee for Rory, who was still sleeping.

"Hi Paris," said a very disoriented Lorelai. She sounded like she hadn't slept in days, and she probably hadn't slept in days.

"Hello Lorelai," Paris said briefly filling up two cups of coffee, Rory should be waking up soon.

"How's everything with Doyle?" Lorelai said trying to accomplish small talk before the best of her blurted out what she really called for.

"Great," Paris knew what Lorelai wanted.

"That's great, just…great," Lorelai responded, not particularly witty thing morning.

"Mhmm," Paris mumbled, picking up Doyle's coffee cup and putting it into the sink. She had to go to work in an hour, Rory better wake up soon.

"Paris, as much as I like talking to you I actually called for a reason," she said.

"I assumed as much," Paris said taking on her daily chores as she wondered just how much Lorelai knew about Rory's recent departure.

"I was, um, wondering if you've heard from Rory," she said quietly.

Paris froze. She didn't know? Rory hadn't told her mother where she was going?

Paris recovered quickly, so quickly that Lorelai never expected she was lying, "not in a few weeks, why?"

Lorelai paused, she was certain that Paris would know. But then again, she was certain that Rory would have told her.

"Because," Lorelai said. Still not believing the words she was going to say, "Because she's gone."

"Gone?" she asked, after a second as if pondering this new bit of information. She felt like she would win an award with the act she was pulling.

"Yeah, something happened with Jess. And she just disappeared. I called everybody, no one's heard from her."

"Well Lorelai, I hate to say it but I haven't heard from her either."

There was moment of silence on the other line. "Okay, thanks Paris. Call me if you hear anything."

"Of course," she said before hanging up. She went quietly to Rory's room and wrote on a paper that she was going to work.

Then she took a moment too look at Rory's sleeping form; wondering, if she made the right choice by not telling Lorelai.

…..

He hated the way her blue eyes shined whenever she laughed. He hated what she did to him when she laughed. He hated how she could look and be so innocent and yet break him so easily. He hated that she had the same interests as him; that she liked to read, liked the same music, liked to trash movies. He hated that she was so hard to forget.

He hated all the things he loved about her.

He grabbed a pin on the table next to him and the notebook in his bag that Matt and Chris had brought from Truncheon.

He made two columns. One for pros and one for con, he wrote all the things he had mentioned earlier along with a lot of others. He mentioned the way that she gives him everything she has and then just takes it away, like he's lost air to breathe. He mentioned that the list he was making he's gotten from her.

But at the very end of each list were the most important bullets.

He hated and loved more than anything was the fact that he loved he; forever, indefinitely and unconditionally. He crumpled the paper in his hands and threw it across the room, wanting to pull out his hair. Because no matter how many cons there were, they didn't even begin to compare to the pros.

He was wondering just how long he'd have to deal with this insanity.

He's watched people move on. Matt's done it a hell of enough times. He wondered miserably, angry at the world, why he couldn't do it. Why it wasn't as simple enough as just forgetting about her.

He didn't even have to have her. He just wanted to forget her.


	10. Chapter 10: I needed to hear you

~Review3~

Chapter 10: I needed to hear your voice

Rory walked down the street from Paris apartment. Paris was at work and Rory needed some fresh air.

She needed to talk to Luke.

She walked and walked until she found a phone booth. She put in change and watched as the machine ate them and then lit up, letting her know that it was satisfied.

She dialed the familiar number of the diner; it's been a week and a half. There was no way he can still be in the hospital, and there is no way that Luke can stay away from the diner for that long.

She checked her watch while the phone rang, going so slowly as if it was taunting her; 1:15, she sighed in relief, Lorelai was at work.

"Hello?" asked an eerie familiar voice. She felt her body shake; it's just cold, she told herself. Maybe this was a bad idea.

"Hi," she said so softly and so slowly, she could see her breath in the New York cold.

Luke sighed, and leaned on a counter. When he picked up the phone, he was expecting to hear anyone but her.

No one had heard from her in days. She was dead for all he knew.

"Luke, I know you're angry. I know you're worried. And I know you don't understand," she said quickly.

"You're damn right I don't understand, Rory," he said briefly. He mentally cursed at himself; he didn't mean to push her way. She was finally talking, no need to make her feel bad.

"I'm sorry about that, I really am. And if I could explain it to you, I would, but right now…I don't even understand it myself," she said to him. She silently praised herself for sounding so calm when in reality she was breaking when she picked up the phone.

"Okay," he said. He needed her to continue talking, so that the Rory-void that had been so worried could have closure.

"I'm okay, everything is okay, I just…I kind of had an emotional breakdown- God, I'm still having one. And I needed to get away. I had a Lorelai moment." She said causing the memory from when her mother ran only days before her wedding to Max.

"I just, I needed to tell you. I needed you to reassure my mom that I am okay. And I needed to hear your voice and make sure everything is alright." There was double meaning in that last sentence, and Luke quickly picked up on it. Sometimes, he felt he knew this girl better than he knew himself. And then he remembered who her mother was and he knew that he'll never completely understand her.

"He's okay." Complete silence. "Rory, Jess is okay. He got out of the hospital six days ago. He isn't quite working yet but he will be soon."

_Jess, _it hurt to hear the name. It hurt to hear the words hospital and Jess in the same sentence; she had been beginning to think this was all some very nightmare. Very cliché, and cruel dream that she'd be waking up from any moment now.

So much for that conspiracy.

"Okay," she said not knowing what else to say. She was so afraid that the tears that were threatening to spill would be traceable through the phone line.

"He misses you." He paused. "He won't say it, he won't even bring up your name, but he does." He thought for a second. "We all do."

She took a deep breath. "I miss you guys too."

"Then why don't you come home," it was meant as a question. What he really meant was, come home. Now. Before I trace this phone call and pick you up. And she knew it.

"Luke..." she sighed trying to find a good reason why she couldn't get on a train right this moment and go back home. "You know I can't."

"I'm not sure I do. Just come home. Your mom misses you. I need you here. The weddings not that far away and you need to be here. You and Jess can figure this out."

What he said was reasonable, and logical. And if Rory was sane right now they were words even she might say. But she was anything but sane right now and she was done with being logical.

Jess and her were messy. She had never gotten time to pine over him. And if that was what she needed, that was what she was going to do. But really, what she needed to do was just sit and cry the last 4 years out. From the very first "Hi, I'm Rory" and "I figured." To the last two weeks.

She needed time to figure it out. And she needed to give Jess time.

They needed time. Neither of them were ready to deal with the heartbreak that had built up over the years.

"It's not that easy," she said evasively. She didn't need to elaborate though, Luke understood. He had been there to witness all of it. No need to explain.

"I know," Luke said. He hated it, but he knew it. He wish it wasn't true. He wished that all of it could be figured out in one sitting. He wished that his beloved nephew wasn't a mess and his little girl could just come home. But like he said, he knew. He didn't understand but he knew.

"I just wanted to talk to you," she said quietly. And everything she did was forgotten and Luke suddenly wanted more than anything for Rory to be home.

"I'm always here. You can always talk to me."

"I know," she said somewhat offended. Did he think that she didn't know that he was always there for her?

"Rory," he sighed. "Where are you?"

"That doesn't matter, right now. I just wanted you to know I'm safe. I wanted to know how everything is. And I needed to tell you I'll be home soon."

"How soon is soon?"

"Just….soon."

"Before the wedding?"

"Before the wedding."

"Good."

"I love you, Luke."

"Love you too, Rory."

"Please don't tell them about this conversation," she pleaded.

"Bye Rory," he said.

"Bye Luke."

She hung up the phone and walked out of the booth, rubbing her shoulders in the cold.

She smiled faintly before making her way home.


	11. Chapter 11: Steps of Love

Chapter 11:

"Are you coming down?" Luke asked his nephew over the phone, not bothering with small talk.

"Luke," Jess pleaded, silently begging him not to this up again. "Don't."

"Jess," Luke sighed. "You're going to have to come eventually."

"I know," he said running a hand through his unattainable hair. "But it's only been a week and…" he hesitated. "I'm not ready."

Luke sighed again, disappointment written across his face plain enough for Lorelei, who was seated right in front of him, to see.

"I miss you," he finally said. Jess sighed, he hated her for making it so hard for him to visit his uncle. She was like a ghost, her memories everywhere in that town as if taunt him. He couldn't face it. The therapist that Luke, Matt, and Chris were forcing him to see would probably agree.

"I miss you too," Jess said softly after a moment of silence.

"We can come visit you," Luke suggested anxiously. He wanted to see his nephew at all costs.

We, no. Jess couldn't face Lorelei. He knew she was on his side. Her loved her for it but he couldn't be in the same room with his soon-to-be-aunt. She was too much like _her. _Her blue eyes would kill him. Those blue eyes were just enough to send him straight back to intensive care.

He hated himself for being so weak. Old Jess would scoff at his attitude. Laugh at the fact that he was so damn scared of her.

But the traces of old Jess were only found in his literature, appearance, and laid back attitude.

He's fearlessness? Gone straight to hell. Recklessness? Untraceable.

"No." He didn't give an explanation. Just a vague answer that reminded Luke of old Jess. Luke sometimes missed the old Jess, the fact that he was unbreakable. The very opposite of the Jess that was talking to him over the phone; that Jess has been on the verge of breaking for as long as both of them can remember.

He didn't argue. He wanted his nephew to get better and if that meant not being able to see him, then so be it.

"Call me later?" Jess asked, biting his lip. What he meant was, don't be angry, I'm not pulling away; this has nothing to do with you.

"Course," Luke said automatically.

"Thanks, bye Luke."

"Bye Jess. Take care?"

"I will," he said reassuring his uncle.

…..

There are three steps to love. The first is chemistry; the need, the want, to be together. It's hard to have a good relationship without it. But chemistry only last so long. And when kissing becomes a habit and the way your body's light up when your near just becomes familiar and comfortable you have to rely on the two other steps.

The second one is interests. If the fire died, then you're stuck with talking. And if you have nothing in common then it's pretty hard to discuss things. You find where you click. There are things that you could debate and argue for hours and never lose interests. Without it, then your relationship is not a relationship; it's just a hook-up.

The third, and what was arguably the most important, is the basis of every relationship. Trust, the truth, no secrets; it's that feeling when you wake up in the morning and have no doubt that the other person will be there. They just are as if it didn't occur for them not to be.

Rory sat in her room while Paris was at work. She had figured out what went wrong with her past relationships. With Dean, she had had only the third step. Loving him was easy because you didn't have to feel. It was as if it was the most natural thing in the world and you didn't have to question it. He was just there and she never assumed he wouldn't be. Even while she was dating Jess, he was still an option. She knew that if anything had gone wrong with Jess should go back to easy. To simple. But that was the problem: she didn't want simple. She wanted exciting, she wanted to wonder, and she couldn't with Dean. Kissing him wasn't like a rainstorm and she couldn't talk to him. What was there to talk about? He adored her but the feeling wasn't mutual. He was a puppet, created for Rory's entertainment. But without her, he was lifeless. And she had gotten bored.

She only had step one with Logan. He was different and experienced and she had never had that before. She liked the attention, the fact that the player chose _her _to settle down with. He was her distraction. Her distraction from the pain from Simple-Married!-Dean and Runaway Complicated Jess. They had no common interests. He was a spoiled rich kid raised in high society. She was raised in…Stars Hallow. He had gotten in to Yale because he was the son of Mitchum Huntzbergers. She did everything she could to get into Yale. She loved reading, he was forced to read. He cheated on her, so step three is shot to hell. Besides chemistry, that died down eventually, they wouldn't have worked. As much as they had both wanted it to in the begging; sometimes love isn't enough.

With Jess, she had step one and two. He was different from the other two. His kisses made her weak needed and girly and she never once worried that he would cheat on her. Her body seemed to fit perfectly against his. There chemistry was heart stopping and unbelievable. And he had the same exact interests. He loved to read; he loved the same kind of music, and liked to trash the same kind of movies. There was always something to talk about. He kept her guessing. The excitement of not knowing what he was going to do next kept her on her toes. Until it tripped her and left her on the ground. She was scared with him. He wasn't her puppy dog like the others. If he wanted to leave he would, it was easy as that in her mind. She never believed she was enough to keep there. He was wild and spontaneous. And he proved her right. He left, without so much as a goodbye; so much as a second thought. She couldn't trust him because he had enough to break her. He knew everything about her and he had enough to break her. And that scared her. No boy had gotten under her skin like he did, no boy was as closed off and independent with her as he was. Dean and Logan would fall apart without her. But she would only fall apart without Jess.

But she couldn't trust him. That was the biggest step and they didn't have that.

She wondered, silently as she made a pro and con list, if they ever would.


	12. Chapter 12: What a Joke

~ Hi! I am painfully aware of the fact that I'm not updating as much as before. And I'm sorry. I really hate that I have such little time to write. And if you would like to complain, don't waste your time. Instead try to convince my teacher to give us less homework, I would really appreciate it.(: Now, back to the story. This is a filler chapter but it was soooooo much fun to write. I hope you like reading as much as I liked writing it. But I would have not thought of this if it weren't for the amazing KeepBreathing3. I would like to give credit for giving me the idea, but I can't. I just wrote all the details.(: And I am very thankful to have been given idea while in writersblock. Thanks!

Hope you like it.! Reviiiiiieeeeew!3 –Breeze~

Chapter 12: What a Joke

Jess' opinions on therapy were simple: it was a joke. And the fact that Luke was actually making him go to it was even more than a joke. Luke was scared of therapists. He would rather kill himself then open up to a doctor about his problems. Yet, he was making his nephew, who probably had an even harder time opening up, go. Against his will.

As Jess sat in the hallway, faintly hearing sobs through the hall way, he thought of ways he would make Luke pay. Many of the plans involved death. Slow, drawn out, death but torture would come first.

Scratch that, he thought. Death would be too easy. He needed something worse, something that would make him begging for death.

I could- Jess started to come up with another idea but was cut off by the sound of the door opening.

An older lady walked out wiping her tear stained face. Great, my turn, thought Jess bitterly. This was Luke's idea. Luke was paying for this. And Matt and Chris were enforcing it. Jess was going to get revenge on all of them.

He started walking to the door that the lady just walked out of. It was second time here.

He hoped that Luke wasn't charged for the first session though. They didn't discuss anything besides his name, where he was from, and about his 'family'-meaning…Luke. Never mind, he hoped Luke was _overly_ charged.

"Hi Mr. Mariano," Mrs. Hillman spoke, looking at Jess over her glasses.

"Jess. It's Jess," he corrected, taking a seat on the couch.

"Oh," she said and paused. "Okay, Jess." He found it ridiculous that she was astonished by the fact he wanted to be called by his first name.

He didn't say anything. He was trying to say as little as possible.

"So how are you, Jess?" She said, emphasizing the name as if it was foreign.

Mrs. Hillman was probably in her fifties. She reminded him of Emily. Except Mrs. Hillman seemed more…professional. Less dramatic. But I guess it wasn't too easy to be dramatic in a suit that looked like it was suffocating you. You would have to be pretty talented.

"Annoyed," he replied shortly. Jess was famous for his one word answers.

"Ah, and why is that?"

"Because I can't come up with any creative ways to kill my uncle," he said deciding to leave the first part of that story out for his own amusement, of course.

She didn't say anything. But the way her eyes were lit up and her jaw had dropped said it all.

Jess was more messed up then she thought.

And he was, just not messed up in the area she thought he was.

She decided to avoid that topic. Hoping, praying, that he was joking. She wasn't quite sure though, he said it with a completely convincing serious face.

"So how's work?" He shrugged. "Same old, same old."

"And your friends; Matt and…?"

"Chris. 

"Yes, him. How are they?"

"Well, there not bleeding or anything."

"So they're okay?"

"They're never okay." She raised an eyebrow wanting him to continue.

"They're…not normal. They probably need to see you more than I do."

"That's not what I heard," she responded curtly. Jess sat up in his chair.

"What exactly have you heard?" He said looking at her intently.

"I heard that you have a problem." He rolled his eyes and sat back. Great, were getting deep.

She watched as his body tensed up and decided they would have to discuss this when he's more comfortable with her. Little did she know that Jess opening up was like rain in a drought.

"So Jess, do you have girlfriend?" The question was intended to be friendly. But nothing about this topic was friendly.

If she thought his body tensed up before, this was 10 times tenser. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

After a moment of silence, he opened his eyes and stared menacingly at her. "Can we not talk about this?" He used a tone of voice that was supposed to scare her. It meant 'you'll be wasting your time by bringing up this subject because I'll be damned if you get me to talk.'

"Okay sure," she said and nodded. She couldn't really argue. This was going to be harder then she thought.

She tapped her pen against her clipboard. Tap, tap, tap; it got to the point that it was so overwhelmingly annoying that he would tell her anything she wanted just to make it stop.

Thankfully, it didn't come to that. Seconds after his breakdown, she spoke.

"How's your uncle?"

He shrugged, it was becoming a habit. "Good, I guess."

"He's getting married, right?" Jess nodded.

"Do you like his fiancé?" He shrugged again. "I guess so."

"What do you mean you guess?"

"It's complicated."

"I have all day." She stared at him, challenging him. He glared at the pen in her hand fearing that if he didn't do what she wanted the tapping would start again. Anything to stop the tapping.

"She's the mom of my ex-girlfriend."

"Ahh," she said, her eyes still challenging him to continue.

"And when I dated her daughter we didn't exactly get along. I was the delinquent out to ruin her Yale bound daughter. But now…were better. A lot better."

She made a mistake by starting the next sentence with, "and her daughter." Jess winced physically and emotionally. He hadn't talked about her since the night in the hospital.

And as much as he would love to continue avoiding all topics that had to do with her, he knew he couldn't forever. And strangely enough it seemed easier to tell this stranger then to discuss it with anyone else, even Luke.

She took note of the wincing. This hurt him.

He cleared his throat and somehow managed to talk. "Wha-What about her?"

"How old were you when you two dated?"

He pretended to think about it. Even though, he remembered everything with Rory as clearly as he remembered yesterday. "Ummm….17."

"For how long?"

"About a year." One year, 2 months, three days.

"What happened?" Sure are nosey aren't we, thought Jess.

"I, um," he scratched the back of his head trying to avoid the question. Trying to build up the courage to talk about it.

"Yes? You, what?"

"I left."

"Left her?" He shook his head quickly. She was confused. "Then what?"

"I left the town. I left Luke. But I didn't leave her."

"Did she know you were leaving?" He shook his head again.

"How did she take it?" He thought for a moment. How did she take it?

"I wasn't there. But from what I know she moved on perfectly fine but she was angry at me. I saw her a few times that year after I came home. And she….she wanted nothing to do with anything."

She was his weakness. Mrs. Hillman picked up on that when she first brought her up.

"Did you love her?" She asked it so simply that it amazed Jess. As if it was that simple as if she asks the same question all the time.

He didn't hesitate. "Yes."

"Did she love you?"

He shrugs. He didn't look at her. His hands were very focused on his hands and she knew that she pushed too far. He wasn't ready to talk about it yet; she would have to tackle it next week.

"So why did you leave?" He looked up in annoyance but his eyes were grateful.

He sighed before speaking…. "Well, it started with Wal-Mart."

….

Thank you for Reading! Review if you know what's good for you(; And I had so much fun writing Jess going to therapy that I will write another chapter of him in therapy sooner or later(: Hope you liked it!


	13. Chapter 13: Embarrassment & Pride

Chapter 13: Memories that sneak up on you

~ I've been all written out lately, and as I'm not very satisfied with this, I needed to upload it. So please don't be too mean(:. I like writing past Jess and Rory scenes.~

_He hears her coming, her converse making a crackly sound on the bridge that he's come to love. It's the sound of security. And he wishes that it will never go away. Although something in his back of his mind tells him that the crackly sound will always be there; whether he is or not._

_ He looks up at his girlfriend; his infamous scowl has currently taken its place on her pink lips. Her hair is messed up, waves making their way to her chest, make it obvious that her and her brush did not agree this morning. He likes it though; she looks laid back, and a little wild. He wonders if Lorelai thinks he's rubbing off on her. _

_ "Well, aren't we bright eyed and bushy tailed this afternoon," she glares. Even though he can see the smile forming on her lips; she's stubborn and hides it, depriving him of sunlight._

_ "Don't," she warns, her eyes begging him not to push. He doesn't. Instead he discards his book to the side and puts his hands up, motioning her to lean in to him. She sighs but wants nothing less but to crawl into his arms and forget this afternoon. _

_ She gets closer, and a smirk begins to make its way on to his lips. She rolls her eyes but sits down, putting her head in his lap. She stares into the river. A million things going through her head, a million things she needs to do but yet she can't seem to find the strength to pull away from her boyfriend. She feels safe in his arms; even though she is painfully aware he is anything but safe. _

_ He touches her hair and she gasps. The gesture is so simple that it's breathtaking. He smirks, and she fidgets. He does it again and her breathe starts to grow more rapid. He likes seeing her squirm, almost as she likes seeing him squirm. _

_ They don't talk for what seems like a lifetime. He continues caressing her hair as she begins to relax. Both of them permanently sketching this moment in their minds. _

_ "How do you do it?" She finally asks, but she says it so quietly that you could barely hear it over his soothing humming._

_ "Do what?" he asks innocently, not moving his hands from her hair or his gaze from her face. _

_ "How do you act like you don't care about anyone else?" She doesn't mean for it to come out whiny, but it does and he immediately takes up offense. _

_ "First off," he says, an edge to his voice that was there a second ago, and his fingers have found his book again. "It's not an act." _

_ She looks away from the river and up at him, his eyes are avoiding her, hurt, and she can't understand why. _

_ She reaches her hand up to his chin and rests it there for a moment until he looks back at her, grudgingly. _

_ "Don't be like this," she whispers and really he had to read her lips to understand what she was saying. _

_ He reminds her of a puppy dog, he'd be incredibly offended if he knew, but the way that he watches her is so sweet that she can't help to think of the comparison._

_ He sighs and sets his book back down. "Talk." He doesn't ask but he tells her. _

_ She sighs this time and looks back at the river. "My mom, she just ugh, I just wish that I didn't care what anyone thought, you know?"_

_ He does know. He had mastered the art of not caring at a very young age, he had to in order to survive where he did. _

_ "What did she say?" he asked softly. He was almost certain he didn't want to know, because it probably had something to do with him._

_ "She's not!" Jess was utterly confused. "That's the problem, she hasn't said anything since I told her, but I know she's just sitting there judging me, judging you."_

_ A beat and then, "About what?"_

_ She blushes and motions to herself and then to him. It takes a moment for Jess to understand and when he does all he could say was "Oh."_

_ She nods as if she doesn't want him to say anymore. She thinks about it. A lot. She's ready. She knows she is. She's ready with Jess. And she doesn't need her mom, silently, talking her out of his._

_ Jess is embarrassed. She hadn't discussed it with him, but she talked about with Lorelai? God, that's just what he needed._

_ He clears his throat. "What did you, um, say to her?"_

_ She shrugs, clearly embarrassed, and for some reason that lightens the mood. He smirks and begins to tickle her. She laughs and his smirk grows._

_ "Stop it Jess," she warns in between laughing fits._

_ "Tell me," he says but really what she did or didn't say to her mother is the last thing on his mind at the moment._

_ "Fine, fine," she begs after a moment of more torture._

_ "Yes?" he asks, mischief in his eyes and she can't help it, she kisses him. She sits up putting her hand on his neck as the kiss deepens. She's completely sitting in his lap now, and she feels powerful. She's never in control with Jess._

_ It only takes a moment for him to respond, he's kissing her back, hard. And this moment has completely made her day, all doubts long gone._

_ She pulls away after a moment and smirks._

_ He looks at her, lost, and then catches on. Not able to hide the tiny trace of a grin that's showing._

_ "Your terrible," he declares. She sticks her tongue out at him. And he kisses her, not really caring anymore that he was tricked. His pride, the one thing he has held onto over all these years, hadn't seemed quite so important since he met Rory._

_ He was kissing her, and she was laughing in to his kiss. And honestly, neither one of them could be happier, despite others opinions._


End file.
